er in full regimentals, apprehensive lest he should come in
contact with a chimney-sweep that was pressing towards him, exclaimed,
"Keep off, you black rascal."--"You were as black as me before you were
_boiled_," cried sooty.

CCLXV.--A FEELING WITNESS.

A LAWYER, upon a circuit in Ireland, who was pleading the cause of an
infant plaintiff, took the child up in his arms, and presented it to the
jury, suffused with tears. This had a great effect, until the opposite
lawyer asked the child, "What made him cry?"--"_He pinched me_!"
answered the little innocent. The whole court was convulsed with
laughter.

CCLXVI.--EXTREMES MEET.

AN Irish gardener seeing a boy stealing some fruit, swore, if he caught
him there again, he'd lock him up in the _ice-house_ and _warm_ his
jacket.

CCLXVII.--DR. WEATHER-EYE.

AN Irish gentleman was relating in company that he _saw_ a terrible wind
the other night. "_Saw_ a wind!" said another, "I never heard of a wind
being seen. But, pray, what was it like!"--"_Like_ to have blown my
house about my ears," replied the first.

CCLXVIII.--HESITATION IN HIS WRITING.

AN old woman received a letter, and, supposing it to be from one of her
absent sons, she called on a person near to read it to her. He
accordingly began and read, "Charleston, June 23, 1859. Dear mother,"
then making a stop to find out what followed (as the writing was rather
bad), the old lady exclaimed, "_Oh, 'tis my poor Jerry; he always
stuttered_!"

CCLXIX.--A GUIDE TO GOVERNMENT SITUATIONS.

DR. HENNIKER, being engaged in private conversation with the great Earl
of Chatham, his lordship asked him how he defined wit. "My lord," said
the doctor, "wit is like what a pension would be, given by your
lordship to your humble servant, _a good thing well applied_."

CCLXX.--NATURAL TRANSMUTATION.

THE house of Mr. Dundas, late President of the Court of Session in
Scotland, having after his death been converted into a blacksmith's
shop, a gentleman wrote upon its door the following impromptu:--

"The house a lawyer once enjoy'd,
Now to a smith doth pass;
How naturally the _iron age_
Succeeds the _age of brass_!"

CCLXXI.--CRITICS.

LORD BACON, speaking of commentators, critics, &c., said, "With all
their pretensions, they were only _brushers_ of noblemen's clothes."

CCLXXII.--QUESTION AND ANSWER.

A QUAKER was exami