rrold.

CCCLVII.--A COMPLIMENT ILL-RECEIVED.

A PERSON who dined in company with Dr. Johnson endeavored to make his
court to him by laughing immoderately at everything he said. The doctor
bore it for some time with philosophical indifference; but the
impertinent _ha, ha, ha!_ becoming intolerable, "Pray, sir," said the
doctor, "what is the matter? I hope I have not said anything that _you_
can comprehend."

CCCLVIII.--TRUTH NOT TO BE SPOKEN AT ALL TIMES.

GARRICK was on a visit at Hagley, when news came that a company of
players were going to perform at Birmingham. Lord Lyttelton said to
Garrick, "They will hear you are in the neighborhood, and will ask you
to write an address to the Birmingham audience."--"Suppose, then," said
Garrick, without the least hesitation, "I begin thus:--

Ye sons of iron, copper, brass, and steel,
Who have not heads to think, nor hearts to feel--"

"Oh!" cried his lordship, "if you begin thus, they will hiss the players
off the stage and pull the house down."--"My lord," said Garrick, "what
is the use of an address if it does not come home to the _business_ and
_bosoms_ of the audience?"

CCCLIX.--A GOOD REASON.

A GENTLEMAN, talking with his gardener, expressed his admiration at the
rapid growth of the trees. "Why, yes, sir," says the man; "please to
consider that they have _nothing_ else to do."

CCCLX.--FOLLOWING A LEADER.

FRANKLIN, when ambassador to France, being at a meeting of a literary
society, and not well understanding the French when declaimed,
determined to applaud when he saw a lady of his acquaintance express
satisfaction. When they had ceased, a little child, who understood the
French, said to him, "But, grandpapa, you always applauded the loudest
when they were _praising you_!" Franklin laughed heartily and explained
the matter.

CCCLXI.--IDOLATRY.

THE toilette of a woman is an altar erected by self-love to vanity.

CCCLXII.--TWICE RUINED.

"I NEVER was ruined but twice," said a wit; "once when I _lost_ a
lawsuit, and once when I _gained_ one."

CCCLXIII.--Q.E.D.

A COUNTRY schoolmaster was met by a certain nobleman, who asked his name
and vocation. Having declared his name, he added, "And I am master of
this parish."--"Master of this parish," observed the peer, "how can that
be?"--"I am master of the children of the parish," said the man; "the
children are masters of their m