ld advance and wait on me, but spozed it wuz because of the high
opinion they had of me at Chicago, and their wantin' to use me so awful
well.

But for all his white collar, and necktie, and sanctimonious look, I
found out that he wuz a waiter, for all on 'em looked jest as he did,
slick enough to be kept in a bandbox, and only let out once in a while
to air.

Wall, he led the way to a little table, and we seated ourselves, Josiah
still a-actin' mad--mad as a hen, and uppish.

And then the waiter put some little slips of paper before us, one with
printin' and one with writin' on it, and a pencil, and sez he, "I will
be back when you make out your order."

And Josiah took out his old silver spectacles and begun to read out
loud, and his voice wuz angry and morbid in the extreme.

Sez he, loud and clear, "Blue pints--pints of what, I'd love to know? If
it wuz a good pint of sweetened vinegar and ginger, I'd fall in with the
idee."

Sez I, "Keep still, Josiah; they're a-lookin' at you."

"Wall, let 'em look," sez he, out loud and defiant.

"Consomme of chicken a la princess--what do we want of Princesses here,
or Queens, or Dukesses--we want sunthin' to eat! Devilish crabs--do
you want some, Samantha?"

I looked over his shoulder, in wild horrer at them awful words, and then
I whispered, "Devilled crabs--and do you keep still, Josiah Allen; I'd
ruther not have anythin' to eat at all than to have you act so--it
hain't devilish."

"Wall, what is the difference?" he sez, out loud and strong; "devilish
or bedevilled, they both mean the same.

"And it is true, too--too true; they are all bedevilled," sez he,
gloomily eyin' the bill.

I allers hated crabs from the time they used to fasten to my bare toes
down in the old swimmin' hole in the creek. "Wall, you don't want any
bedevilled crabs, do you?"

[Illustration: "I allus hated crabs!"]

"No," sez I, faintly; for I wuz mortified enough to sink through the
floor if there had been any sinkin' place, and I whispered, "I'd ruther
go without any dinner at all than to have you act so."

"Oh, no," sez he, loud and positive, "you don't want to go without your
dinner; you want to be fashionable and cut style--you want to make a
show."

"Wall," sez I, faint as a cat, "I am apt to git my wish."

For three men looked up and laughed, and one girl snickered, besides
some other wimmen.

Sez I, hunchin' him, "Do be still and less go to our old place."

"Oh, no," sez