he, speakin' up to the top of his voice, "don't less
leave; here is such a variety!"

"Potatoes surprise," sez he; "it must be that they are mealy and cooked
decent; that would be about as much of a surprise as I could have about
potatoes here, to have 'em biled fit to eat; we'll have some of them,
anyway.

"Philadelphia caperin'--I didn't know that Philadelphia caperin' wuz any
better than Chicago a-caperin' or New York a-caperin'. Veal o just! I
guess if he had been kicked by calves as much as I have, he wouldn't
talk so much about their Christian habits.

"Leg of mutton with caper sass--wall, it is nateral for sheep to caper
and act sassy, and it is nobody's bizness.

"Supreme pinted bogardus--what in thunder is that? Supreme--wall, I've
hearn of a supreme ijiot, and I believe that Bogardus is his name.

"Terrapin a-layin' on Maryland--I never knew that terrapin wuz a hen
before, and why is it any better to lay on Maryland than anywhere else?
Mebby eggs are higher there; wall, Maryland hain't much too big for a
good-sized hen's nest, nor Rhode Island neither."

"Josiah Allen," I whispered, deep and solemn, "if you don't stop I will
part with you."

Folks wuz in a full snicker and a giggle by this time.

"Oh, no," sez he, loud and strong, "you don't want to part with me till
I git you a fashionable dinner, and we both cut style.

"Tenderloin of beef a-tryin' on"--a-tryin' on what, I'd love to
know?--style, most probable, this is such a stylish place."

"Will you be still, Josiah Allen?" sez I, a-layin' holt of his vest.

"No, I won't; I am tryin' to put on style, Samantha, and buy you
sunthin' stylish to eat."

"Wall, you needn't," sez I; "I have lost my appetite."

"Siberian Punch! Let him come on," sez Josiah; "if I can't use my fists
equal to any dum Siberian that ever trod shoe leather, then I'll give
in."

Then three wimmen giggled, and the waiters began to look mad and
troubled.

"English rifles"--wall, I shouldn't have thought they would have tried
that agin. No, trifles," sez he, a-lookin' closer at it.

"English trifles!--lions' tails and coronets, mebby--English trifles and
tutty-frutty. Do have some tutty-frutty, Samantha, it has such a stylish
sound to it, so different from good pork and beans and roast beef; I
believe you would enjoy it dearly.

"Waiter," sez he, "bring on some tutty-frutty to once."

The waiter approached cautiously, and made a motion to me, and touched
his forehea