neither receive their biassed evidence,
nor address ourself to their inflamed and angered minds. Dispassionate
experience is our only guide; and in these moral essays we seek no less
to reform hymeneal offenders than to hold out a timely warning to all
rising couples, and even to those who have not yet set forth upon their
pilgrimage towards the matrimonial market.

Let all couples, present or to come, therefore profit by the example of
Mr. and Mrs. Leaver, themselves a loving couple in the first degree.

Mr. and Mrs. Leaver are pronounced by Mrs. Starling, a widow lady who
lost her husband when she was young, and lost herself about the
same-time--for by her own count she has never since grown five years
older--to be a perfect model of wedded felicity. 'You would suppose,'
says the romantic lady, 'that they were lovers only just now engaged.
Never was such happiness! They are so tender, so affectionate, so
attached to each other, so enamoured, that positively nothing can be more
charming!'

'Augusta, my soul,' says Mr. Leaver. 'Augustus, my life,' replies Mrs.
Leaver. 'Sing some little ballad, darling,' quoth Mr. Leaver. 'I
couldn't, indeed, dearest,' returns Mrs. Leaver. 'Do, my dove,' says Mr.
Leaver. 'I couldn't possibly, my love,' replies Mrs. Leaver; 'and it's
very naughty of you to ask me.' 'Naughty, darling!' cries Mr. Leaver.
'Yes, very naughty, and very cruel,' returns Mrs. Leaver, 'for you know I
have a sore throat, and that to sing would give me great pain. You're a
monster, and I hate you. Go away!' Mrs. Leaver has said 'go away,'
because Mr. Leaver has tapped her under the chin: Mr. Leaver not doing as
he is bid, but on the contrary, sitting down beside her, Mrs. Leaver
slaps Mr. Leaver; and Mr. Leaver in return slaps Mrs. Leaver, and it
being now time for all persons present to look the other way, they look
the other way, and hear a still small sound as of kissing, at which Mrs.
Starling is thoroughly enraptured, and whispers her neighbour that if all
married couples were like that, what a heaven this earth would be!

The loving couple are at home when this occurs, and maybe only three or
four friends are present, but, unaccustomed to reserve upon this
interesting point, they are pretty much the same abroad. Indeed upon
some occasions, such as a pic-nic or a water-party, their lovingness is
even more developed, as we had an opportunity last summer of observing in
person.

There was a gre