sed on the idea that God was a magnified
man--that He needed asking and praising and thanking. Should the cog of
the wheel creak praise to the Engineer? Let it rather cog harder, and
creak less. Yet I did, I confess, try to put the agitation of my soul
into words. I meant it for a prayer; but when I considered afterwards
the "supposing thats" and "in case ofs" with which it was sprinkled, it
must have been more like a legal document. And yet I felt soothed and
happier as I went downstairs again.

I tell you this, Bertie, because if I put reason above emotion I would
not have you think that I am not open to attacks of the latter also.
I feel that what I say about religion is too cold and academic. I feel
that there should be something warmer and sweeter and more comforting.
But if you ask me to buy this at the price of making myself believe a
thing to be true, which all that is nearest the divine in me cries out
against, then you are selling your opiates too high. I'm a volunteer for
"God's own forlorn hope," and I'll clamber up the breech as long as I
think I can see the flag of truth waving in front of me.

Well, my next two cares were to get drugs and furniture. The former
I was sure that I could obtain on long credit; while the latter I
was absolutely determined not to get into debt over. I wrote to the
Apothecaries' Company, giving the names of Cullingworth and of my
father, and ordering twelve pounds' worth of tinctures, infusions,
pills, powders, ointments, and bottles. Cullingworth must, I should
think, have been one of their very largest customers, so I knew very
well that my order would meet with prompt attention.

There remained the more serious matter of the furniture. I calculated
that when my lodgings were paid for I might, without quite emptying my
purse, expend four pounds upon furniture--not a large allowance for a
good sized villa. That would leave me a few shillings to go on with,
and before they were exhausted Cullingworth's pound would come in. Those
pounds, however, would be needed for the rent, so I could hardly reckon
upon them at all, as far as my immediate wants went. I found in the
columns of the Birchespool Post that there was to be a sale of furniture
that evening, and I went down to the auctioneer's rooms, accompanied,
much against my will, by Captain Whitehall, who was very drunk and
affectionate.

"By God, Dr. Munro, sir, I'm the man that's going to stick to you. I'm
only an old sailor