le, to break the gist of his information into
small chunks, and so make it the more _telling_ and comparatively
interesting.

"When I got the _instrument_, and paid Marm Smith my board bill, I wer
in possession of a cash capital of jest three fo'pences. I took my
jack-knife, and unjinted the instrument, cleaned it off, then wrapped
the different sections up in a paper, put the hull in my little yaller
trunk, and dug eout. When I got clean eout o' sight and hearin' of
everybody I'd ever hear'n tell on, I stopped r-i-g-h-t in my track. My
cash capital wer gone, my mortal remains were holler as a flute, and my
old trunk had worn a hole clean through the shoulder o' my best Sunday
coat. I put up, and sez I tew the landlord:

"'Squire, what sort o' place is this for a sheow?'

"'For a sh-e-ow?' sez he.

"'Ye-e-e-s,' sez I.

"'What a' yeou got to sh-e-o-w?' sez he.

"'The most wonderful instrument ever inwent-'d,' sez I.

"'What's 't fur?' sez he.

"'For the wimen,' sez I.

"'O! sez he, lookin' alfired peart and smeart, as tho' he'd seen a flock
o' l'fants; 'quack doctor, I s'pose, eh?'

"'No, I ben't a quack doctor, nuther,' sez I, priming up at the
insin-i-wa-tion.

"'Wall, what on airth hev yeou got, _any heow_?' sez he.

"When he 'poligized in that sort o' way, in course I up and told him
the full perticklers 'beout a wonderful _instrument_ I had for the
ladies and wimen folks. A-n-d heow I wanted to sheow it before some o'
the female sim-i-nar-ries, and give a lectoor on't.

"'By bunker!' sez he, 'then yeou've cum jest teou the spot; three miles
up the road is the great _Jargon Institoot_, 'spressly for young ladies,
wher they teach 'em the 'rethmetic, French scollopin', and High-tall-ion
curlycues; dancin', tight-lacin', hair-dressin', and so forth, with the
use of curlin' irons, forty pinanners, and parfumeries chuck'd in.'

"'Yeou deon't _say_ so?' sez I.

"'Yes, I doos,' sez he; and then yeou had orter seen me make streaks fur
the Jargon Institoot.

"I feound the place, knocked on the door, and a feller all starch'd up,
lookin' cruel nice, kem and opened the door. I axed if the marm were in.
Then he wanted tew kneow which of 'em I wanted tew see. 'The head marm
of the Institoot,' sez I. 'Please to give me yeour keard,' sez he. 'You
be darn'd,' sez I; 'I'd have yeou know, mister,' sez I, 'I don't deal in
_keards_--never did, nuther!'

"The feller show'd a heap o' ivory, and brought deown the head