owever, our relating
to one another often is hurtful because of our anxiety and insecurity.
We may attack others in order to make ourselves feel secure. Instead of
calling them forth, we cause them to withdraw. Even when we undertake to
love others, we may do it in ways that hurt them, because we love them
for selfish reasons. Human relationships, in themselves, are ambiguous,
and we need deliverance from the ambiguity of them, for these
relationships can either destroy people or call them forth.

_Human Love Is Ambiguous_

Furthermore, because human love can be ambiguous, we do not know whether
it is safe to give and accept love. It is a risk both to love and to
accept love, and all of us, to some degree, are afraid to take the risk.
Some people, to be sure, have more courage for it than others. They love
more courageously, and are more courageous in their acceptance of
others' love. These people seem to have a power of being that others
lack.

The giving and receiving of love implies responsibility for one another,
and we may withhold our love and reject the love of others as a way of
evading the responsibility of love. We are willing to love up to the
point where it begins to be inconvenient to love any more. We like the
image of ourselves as loved and loving people, but we would like the
benefit without the responsibilities of the role. When the response to
our love presents us with demands, we may begin to hold people off. We
may say: "Yes, to be sure, I love you, but keep your distance. I am
willing to give of myself, but not too much. I need to keep something of
me for myself." By this attitude we are admitting that when we love
another we have to give ourselves to him, entrust ourselves to him.
Commitment to another person is a courageous act, and it is no wonder
that we sometimes recoil from it.

What has been said about giving love is equally true of accepting love,
for the acceptance of love also calls for trust and commitment. If I
really respond to your love, I will open myself to the possibility of
being hurt because your love cannot be completely trusted. Furthermore,
if you should really love me, I am not worthy of your love and I do not
welcome the judgment of me that is implicit in your love. I shall,
therefore, make a cautious response to you and give myself to you
guardedly. Then the person who is giving love is made lonely because his
gift is not accepted. He, too, begins to withdraw and to do