.

Attentiveness is something that can be learned. We learn by having eyes
that see and ears that hear. Eyes, of course, are made for seeing and
ears for hearing, but we can learn also to hear with our eyes and see
with our ears. When I am seeking to understand another, for example, I
find that what I see in his face and manner helps me to understand what
he is saying; and, likewise, attentive hearing helps me to understand
what he is also revealing in his face and manner. We pay attention by
watching the eyes, facial expressions, and behavior of people, by
listening for the question behind the question and for the meaning
behind the meaning, remembering that there is tremendous content behind
what is said and shown. If we would be servants of love, we must have
ears that really hear and eyes that really see; and, like our Lord, hear
and see deeply in order that the truth which men are really seeking may
be found. Such hearing and seeing was the gift of Christ to men, and
should therefore be the gift of Christians to men.

It follows, then, that the good teacher is one who, participating in a
relationship with our Master Teacher, can accept any question that a
person may bring, knowing that if he stays with it, he will be led, step
by step, to that person's real concern. When the teacher gives that kind
of attention, the students are more apt to respond relevantly, which is
their attention to the teacher. Then the teacher has the wonderful
experience of mutual attention in which meaningful communication has
taken place. What I have said about teaching and the relationship
between teacher and pupil is true of all relationships. The reward for
the gift of attention is that others will respond with clues in the form
of questions or comments that will enable us to meet them at the point
of the meaning of their life. Not only does this kind of listening
provide a basis for a highly significant curriculum for teaching, as we
saw earlier, but also a basis for true human community and
communication. Our self-centeredness, however, gives us a natural pull
away from attentiveness. But the Spirit of Christ Who, in drawing us to
Him, draws us to one another, will make mutual attentiveness possible so
that two-way communication will become a reality for us.

One current objection to this kind of mutual attentiveness travels under
two guises: one is the possibility of being offensively nosy and
intrusive; the other is the fear of r