sense of autonomy.
We said earlier that as the child begins to take that which is given to
him, he begins to distinguish between himself and others, and thereby to
become a separate person. In so doing, he begins to achieve some degree
of autonomy as an independent person. This second task is made easier
for him, if he is able to approach it with a sense of trust. The need
for a sense of trust in the achievement of autonomy becomes apparent
once we recognize what this second task involves. It introduces the
child into a conflict of interests. On the one hand, he needs the
constant care, supervision, and love of his parents; and on the other
hand, he needs to assert his own will and stand over against his parents
as a separate person. He both needs to be a part of the mother and
distinct from her. The conflict between these needs increases as the
individual becomes a person.

This process, however, often results in a warfare of unequal wills
between the child and the parent. The child himself is capable of
violent drives which frighten him and which he is unable to control; and
the parent can be provoked to emotional responses that escape his
control and are frightening. The relationship between them, therefore,
may become one in which each is seeking to dominate and control the
other. This pattern occurs in all relationships and is often observed in
marriage, where, by various kinds of behavior, each partner seeks to
control the other.

The muscular mechanism basic to the achievement of autonomy is the
mechanism of holding on and letting go. By the employment of it, the
individual begins to be aware of his powers as a separate person.
Awareness of these powers and of the possibilities inherent in them
precipitates the struggle between him and others. A child can be very
pliable or very stubborn in his holding on or letting go, and it is not
long before parents discover that they cannot make a child do something
that he will not do. At this point, the parent's own maturity in the
employment of the same mechanisms will determine how he will respond to
the child's stubborn and often hostile efforts to achieve autonomy.

As people mature, the holding-on and letting-go tension is transferred
from the muscular to the emotional and psychological. If adults have
achieved a relaxed attitude, they will be able to provide the child with
firmness, and at the same time allow him some freedom in determining his
own action. An env