this effigy, would unquestionably
have believed him to be a Pagan, and a very ignorant one at that.
Finding it hopeless to either excuse or explain such conduct, the
plaintiff in this action, which ought never to have been brought, that
is if the plaintiff had been wise, had actually, with an impudent
audacity unparalleled in any Court of Law, urged that this lifeless
Lion not only talked, but made signs. I shall not cross-examine one
single witness who has appeared up to the present in this case, they
have sufficiently condemned themselves already."

"The last lady, with a wealth of unnecessary words and adjectives, had
informed the Court that she was once in a Pantomime, and it is my firm
impression that is exactly where all the other witnesses in this case
ought to be, especially the child who had unblushingly told them a long
fairy story, and had attempted to sing them a song. A Pantomime was
the proper place for them all, a fitting setting, and especially
suitable for the Lord Mayor himself, robes and all. There, amidst the
medley of such an entertainment, the Lord Mayor could coax Lions to do
tricks, the sailor could indulge in his hornpipes and quaff
dog's-noses. The child could act fairy stories, and sing all by
himself, whilst the vociferating lady, who owned to a weakness for
dancing indecorous solos, would be able to delight her heart by
performing the Russian Carnival----"

_Judge_ (prompting). "Bacchanal."

"They would all be most suitable in a Pantomime, but not in a Court of
Law."

"The one amazing thing which had horrified him inexpressibly during the
case was the fact that his learned brother Counsel, Mr. Gentle Gammon,
had so far forgotten his professional dignity as to declare that this
Lion actually moved and spoke at times. He feared, and also he
lamented, that his learned brother must be approaching his dotage. Yet
in order to satisfy each and every one in Court, he, Mr. Dreadful, had
sent an urgent and special messenger for a first-class veterinary
surgeon, having the letters M.R.C.V.S. after his name, and also for one
of the keepers belonging to the lions' house in the Zoological Gardens.
Their evidence would now be taken."

Upon the appearance of the M.R.C.V.S. in the witness-box the Learned
Judge saw fit to interfere.

_Judge_. "Have you ever attended a lion professionally?"

_M.R.C.V.S._ "Never, your Lordship."

_Judge_ (sagaciously). "Then what do you know about them?"