termination to conquer a certain thing in my nature which had
nearly brought about my ruin, and which, if left unchecked, would
bring it about. Room for doubt there was none, and, after such an
escape as mine, one does not hesitate about having recourse to
strong remedies. My remedy was the convent, and, my resolve being to
stay in the convent till I had conquered myself, it did not at the
time seem to me a falsehood to say that I put myself in the hands of
God, and hoped the experiment would succeed. Mother Mary Hilda, who
is very persistent, asked me what I meant by conquering myself, and I
answered, a subjugation of that part of me which was repellent to
God. At these words the Prioress's face lit up, and she said, 'Well,
Mother Hilda, I suppose you are satisfied?' Mother Hilda did not
answer, but I could see that she was not satisfied; and I am not
satisfied either, for I feel that I am deceiving the nuns.

"But, Monsignor, if a different answer had been given, if I had said
that I looked upon the convent as a refuge where a difficult time
might be passed, two or three months, it does not seem to me that I
would have answered the nuns more truthfully. The Prioress seems to
think with me in this, going so far as to suggest that there are
occasions when we do well not to try to say everything, for the very
simple reason that we do not know everything--even about ourselves;
and she seemed glad that I had not said more, and took me there and
then to her room, and, in the presence of Mother Philippa and Mother
Mary Hilda, said, 'Now, we must hide all this fair hair under a
little cap.' I knelt in front of the Prioress, and she put a white
cap on my head, and pinned a black veil over it; and when she had
done this she drew me to her and kissed me, saying, 'Now you look
like my own child, with all your worldly vanities hidden away. I
believe Monsignor Mostyn would hardly know his penitent in her new
dress.'

"I think I can see you smile as you read this, and I think I can hear
you thinking, 'Once an actress always an actress.' But there is not
sufficient truth in this criticism to justify it, and if such a
thought does cross your mind, I feel you will suppress it quickly in
justice to me, knowing, as you must know, that a badge gives courage
to the wearer, putting a conviction into the heart that one is not
alone, but a soldier in a great army walking in step towards a
definite end. This sounds somewhat grandiloquent, bu