appointed goal"--
With many a loose and many a tight-packed scrimmage
Forward and back the fight will roll,
Ere with a shattering rush we cross your line
(This represents the Rhine).

Meanwhile, when you observe your team is tiring,
And wish the call of Time were blown,
To Mr. WILSON, where he stands umpiring
Gratuitously on his own,
You'll look (as drowning men will clutch a straw)
To make the thing a draw.

Pity you've broken all the rules, for this'll
Spoil WOODROW'S programme when at last,
Not having checked those breaches with his whistle,
He wants to blow the final blast;
Time will be called, I fancy, when the score
Suits us, and not before.

O.S.

* * * * *

HEART-TO-HEART TALKS.

(_The KING OF THE HELLENES and the KAISER: On the Telephone_).

_The King._ HALLOA! Are you there? Halloa, halloa! Are you there, I say?

_The Kaiser._ All right, all right. Who's talking?

_The King._ KING CONSTANTINE. I want a word with the KAISER.

_The Kaiser._ Ha, TINO, it's you, is it? Fire away.

_The King._ Is that you, WILLIE?

_The Kaiser._ Yes; what do you want? I haven't too much time.

_The King._ I say, the most awful thing has happened. The Allies have sent
me an Ultimatum.

_The Kaiser._ A what?

_The King._ An Ultimatum.

_The Kaiser._ I say, old man, you really must speak louder and more
plainly. I can't hear a word you say.

_The King._ The Allies have sent me an ULTIMATUM!! Did you hear that time?

_The Kaiser._ Yes, most of it.

_The King._ Well.

_The Kaiser._ Well.

_The King._ What do you think about it?

_The Kaiser._ Not very much. Lots of other people have had ultimatums and
haven't been one pfennig the worse for them.

_The King._ Oh, but this is the very last thing in ultimatums. It's a
regular ultimatissimum.

_The Kaiser._ What do they want you to do?

_The King._ All sorts of disagreeable things. For instance, I am to move my
troops to the Peloponnese, so as to get them out of harm's way.

_The Kaiser._ Well, move them. What are troops for except to be moved
about? You can always move them back again, you know. I keep on moving
troops forward and backward all the time. It's a mere nothing when you once
get accustomed to it. Just you try it and see. Anything more?

_The King._ Yes; I'm to release from prison the followers of the
pestilential VENIZELOS.

_The Kaiser._ That's unpleas