ant, of course, for a patent Greek War-Lord;
but I should do it if I were you, and then you can let me know how it
feels.

_The King._ Look here, William, I don't know what's the matter with you,
but I wish you wouldn't try to be so funny. You seem to think the whole
affair's a sort of German joke. So it is, by Zeus--that's to say it's no
joke at all.

_The Kaiser._ Manners, TINO, manners.

_The King._ I'm sick and tired of all this talk.

_The Kaiser._ If you go on like that I shall not talk to you any more.

_The King._ Don't say that; I could not bear such a loss. But, seriously,
are you going to help as you promised?

_The Kaiser._ I cannot help you now. You must play for time.

_The King._ I've exhausted all the possibilities of playing for time. It
wouldn't be the least good. They really mean it this time, and they've
given me a strictly limited period for compliance.

_The Kaiser._ Well, I suppose you know best, but I should have thought you
could have spun out negotiations for a hit--given them a little promise
here and a little promise there on the chance of something turning up.

_The King._ The long and the short of it is that you promised to help us,
but it was only a little promise here or there, and you don't mean to keep
it. I shall accept the ultimatum.

_The Kaiser._ The what? The telephone's buzzing again.

_The King._ The ULTIMATUM!!

_The Kaiser._ Oh, the ultimatum. Yes, by all means accept it. And, by the
way, I'm publishing a volume of my War-speeches, and will make a point of
sending you an early copy. You might get it reviewed in the Athens papers.

_The King._ Gr-r-r.

* * * * *

OUR HELPFUL GOVERNMENT.

"Don't grow potatoes where they will not grow. OFFICIAL
ADVICE."--_Daily Express._

* * * * *

JOURNALISTIC MODESTY.

"The sale of yesterday's Christmas Number of the _Daily Gazette_
already exceeds that of last year's Christmas Number by more than 50
per cent. The sell is still going on actively."--_Daily Gazette
(Karachi)._

* * * * *

"Yes, I think we have it at last--I mean the stranglehold round the
enemy's neck. I seem to hear the death rattle in his guttural
throat."--_Sunday Pictorial._

And to see the glazing of his ocular eyes.

* * * * *

"Had you shut your eyes the opening night at the Opera