-writer's life-blood--Necessity for believing everyone in office
negligent or corrupt--Reasons why it is better to write to the papers than
to the individual--The sacredness of publicity--Importance also of victim
seeing the indictment--Value of _Who's Who?_--Postal rates for newspapers.

_V.--Signatures._

Real names and pseudonyms--Cases where real names are best--Cases where
pseudonyms are best--Danger of giving both name and address--The
Knobkerry--The Dog-Whip--The Art of Self-Defence--The Law Directory--Choice
of pseudonyms--Latin _v._ English--An Advantage of "One Who Knows" over
"Audi Alteram Partem"--"Scrutator" better than "Spectator ab extra"--"One
who is doing his bit" better than "Junius"--Reasons for "War-Winner" being
the best at present moment.

_VI.--Model Letter with Remarks._

At the present moment no type of letter is more effective than the
following:--

SIR,--Could anything be more deplorable than the spectacle, which every
hour of the day and night affords, of young and vigorous men made up to
look like grandfathers. I am told that the theatrical costumiers and
perruquiers are worn to a shadow by the overwork which these contemptible
shirkers have subjected them to, and I call on you to use your powerful
influence to stop it. I am credibly informed that if a courageous
investigator visiting those funkholes, the clubs of London, were to snatch
at the bald scalps so much in evidence there, he would in nine cases out of
ten find that they came away in his hand, revealing the chevelure of the
youthful and fit but craven. At any rate the experiment should be tried. I
shall, of course, be told that the Tribunals are active and vigilant and
their net so tightly drawn that no one can get through; but we all know
what bunglers the English authorities are, whether at the War Office or
elsewhere. It is only in newspaper offices that true efficiency can be
found. I enclose my card and am,

Yours faithfully,
"WAR-WINNER."

Analysis of above--Reasons for thinking it perfect--Importance of
compliment to editors--Estimate of its probable result.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE FOOD CONTROLLER ADDS A NEW TERROR TO MATRIMONY.]

* * * * *

Extremes.

"He spent 233 years in the 6th Dragoon Guards (Carbineers) and
commanded that famous regiment in the Boer War."--_Evening
Telegraph_ (_Dundee_).

"Sergeant ----, who is