Crank and Smeeth and Stobs,
A memorable cluster.

The pictures rising in my brain
Are strange; sometimes I muddle 'em,
Confounding Pleck with Plodder Lane,
Titley with Tillietudlem;
In short, it's not a game of skill,
Else I should scarce essay at;
But it is harmless, costs me _nil_;
And nobody need play it.

The plan is simple; choose a spot,
Then focus with decision
Your thoughts upon it till you've got
A clear-cut mental vision;
And though from fact it widely errs,
Remember in conclusion
Only the man of prose prefers
Eyewitness to illusion.

* * * * *

FROM THE BACK OF THE FRONT.

Extract from a soldier's letter:--

"DEAR MOTHER,--I am thoroughly run down, and have grown so thin that
when I get a pain in my middle I cannot tell whether it is a backache
or a stomachache."

* * * * *

"The choristers and I.C.U. enlivened each station along the route by
rending sacred songs and solos as The Kano Express drew in."--_Lagos
Weekly Record._

"That's torn it," said the conductor.

* * * * *

"Britons never shall be slaves if they will only remember the solemn
warning of the author of the words--'To thine own self be true, and
then thou canst be false to any man.'"--_Letter in Scotch Paper._

One recognises the note of liberty, but we fear the writer must have got
hold of a German edition of "Unser Shakspeare."

* * * * *

THE HARDSHIPS OF BILLETS.

As Jim and me lies in hospital gettin' better from our wounds we talks over
what we've been through in this War.

There was the time when we was billeted with Mrs. Dawkins, just before we
went to the Front, which dwells in our memories. When the billetin' orficer
introduced us into her kitchen Mrs. Dawkins went down on the bricks and
prayed she might do her duty by the two noble defenders of her country--she
meant me and Jim--who the Lord had pleased to deliver into her care. Then
she begun unlacin' Jim's boots. In a minute Mr. Dawkins come in; he said we
was hearty welcome, and was just goin' to shake 'ands with us when Mrs.
Dawkins turned on 'im and asked 'im what he meant by standin' there like a
gawk and not unlacin' mine. Jim and me was very uncomfortable.

Then some little Dawkinses come in, Susan, Sammy, Billy and Elfreda, and
was told b