ll."

"Ah!" I said. "Have a glass of beer before you go."

W. B.

* * * * *

[Illustration: UNDER THE GREENWOOD TREE.

_Chorus_. "HERE SHALL HE SEE
NO ENEMY
BUT WINTER AND ROUGH WEATHER."]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Taxi-driver (who has forced lady-driver on to the
pavement)._ "NOW, THEN, IF YOU WANT TO LOOK IN THE SHOP WINDOWS WHY
DON'T YOU TAKE A DAY OFF?"]

* * * * *

Headline in _The Yorkshire Daily Observer_:--

"KAISER'S 1904 PLOTS"

No doubt there were quite as many as that, but we should like to know
how our contemporary arrives at the exact number.

* * * * *

AN EXTRAORDINARY DAY.

1. A Staff Officer came back from the line without having had a narrow
escape.

2. A General visited the line and expressed unqualified approval of
everything he saw.

3. A Quartermaster-Sergeant put _all_ the contents of the rum-jar into
the tea.

4. A sniper fired at a Hun and reported a miss.

5. A bombing-party threw bombs into a sap without reporting "shrieks
and groans were heard, and it is thought that many casualties were
inflicted."

6. A Sergeant-Major complimented a new squad of recruits.

7. Somebody read an Intelligence Summary.

8. A very high official fired the first shot to open the new
rifle-range and failed to hit the bull.

NOTE--(a) The Marker was not court-martialled for spreading alarm
and despondency in His Majesty's forces; but

(b) The quality of mercy was fearfully strained.

9. A bombing-class came back from practice without a single casualty.

10. A Subaltern got leave on compassionate grounds. He wanted to be
married.

11. A Corps Commander was punctual at an inspection. And

12. It did not rain on the day of the offensive.

Truly an extraordinary day. Shall we ever live to see it, I wonder?

* * * * *

MORE SEX PROBLEMS

"For Sale.--Dark red Shorthorn Bulls, from two years downwards,
bred to milk for thirty years."--_Farmer's Weekly_.

"For Sale by Auction, one Mare Colt."--_Kent and Sussex Courier_.

"Then again the cockerel is a summer layer."--_Irish Farming
World_.

* * * * *

"Sir Godfrey Baring, the sitting Liberal member, is not standing
again."--_Evening Paper_.

If he's not going to sit or stand, h