accinated, and the first her father knew she caught the duke, and came;
home, and he followed her. Say, he didn't know enough to pound sand, and
the old man got several doctors for her, but they couldn't break up the
duke fever, and finally the old pickle citizen asked him how much the
mortgage was, and how much they could live on, and he bought her the
duke, and sent them off, and the duke covered his castle with building
paper, so it would hold water, and they set up housekeeping with a
hundred servants. Then the duke wanted a racing stable, after the baby
came, and the old pickle man went over to see the baby, and it looked
so much like the old man that he invested in a racing stable, and the
servants bowed low to the old man and called him 'Your 'ighness,'
and that settled the old pickle person, and he fell into the trap of
building a townhouse in London.

"Then he went home and made some more pickles, and the daughter cabled
him to come right over, as they had been invited to entertain the king
and a lot of other face cards in the pack. And the old man thought it
would be great to get in the king row himself, so he shoveled a lot of
big bills into some packing trunks and went over to fix up for the king.
The castle had to be redecorated for about six miles, up one corridor
and down the other, but Old Pickles stood the raise, because he thought
it would be worth the money to be on terms of intimacy with a king.

"Then when it was all ready, and the old man was going to stand at the
front door and welcome the king, they made him go to his room, back
about a half a mile in the rear of the castle, and for two weeks old
Pickles had his meals brought to his room, and when it was over, and
his sentence had expired, he was let out, and all he saw of the grand
entertainment to the crowned heads was a ravine full of empty wine
bottles, a case of jimjams for a son-in-law, a case of nervous
prostration for a daughter, and hydrophobia for himself. My old pickle
friend has got, at this date, three million good pickle dollars invested
in your d--d island, and all he has to show for it is a sick daughter,
neglected by a featherhead of a husband, who will only speak to old
pickles when he wants more money, and a grandchild that may die teething
at any time. You are a nice lot of ducks to talk to me about your
English society being better than our American civilization. You get,"
and dad drove the dukes out.

[Illustration: Dad dr