end of the_ adagio, _and there is
another burst of applause, which awakens_ THE DEAN OF THE CRITICS.)

THE DEAN OF THE CRITICS

Oh, piffle! Compared to Gottschalk, the man is an amateur. Let him go
back to the conservatory for a couple of years.

ONE OF THE MEN

(_Looking at his program._) Next comes the _shirt-so_. I hope it has
some tune in it.

THE VIRGIN

The _adagio_ is love's agony, but the _scherzo_ is love triumphant. What
beautiful eyes he has! And how pale he is!

THE GREAT PIANIST

(_Resuming his grim toil._) Well, there's half of it over. But this
_scherzo_ is ticklish business. That horrible evening in Prague--will I
ever forget it? Those hisses--and the papers next day!

ONE OF THE MEN

Go it, professor! That's the best you've done yet!

ONE OF THE CRITICS

Too fast!

ANOTHER CRITIC

Too slow!

A YOUNG GIRL

My, but ain't the professor just full of talent!

THE GREAT PIANIST

Well, so far no accident. (_He negotiates a difficult passage, and plays
it triumphantly, but at some expenditure of cold perspiration._) What a
way for a man to make a living!

THE VIRGIN

What passion he puts into it! His soul is in his finger-tips.

A CRITIC

A human pianola!

THE GREAT PIANIST

This _scherzo_ always fetches the women. I can hear them draw long
breaths. That plump girl is getting pale. Well, why shouldn't she? I
suppose I'm about the best pianist she has ever heard--or ever _will_
hear. What people can see in that Hambourg fellow I never could imagine.
In Chopin, Schumann, Grieg, you might fairly say he's pretty good. But
it takes an _artist_ to play Beethoven. (_He rattles on to the end of
the_ scherzo _and there is more applause. Then he dashes into the_
finale.)

THE DEAN OF THE CRITICS

Too loud! Too loud! It sounds like an ash-cart going down an alley. But
what can you expect? Piano-playing is a lost art. Paderewski ruined it.

THE GREAT PIANIST

I ought to clear 200,000 marks by this tournee. If it weren't for those
thieving agents and hotelkeepers, I'd make 300,000. Just think of
it--twenty-four marks a day for a room! That's the way these Americans
treat a visiting artist! The country is worse than Bulgaria. I was
treated better at Bucharest. Well, it won't last forever. As soon as I
get enough of their money they'll see me no more. Vienna is the place to
settle down. A nice studio at fifty marks a month--and the life of a
gentleman. Wha