ust rout
the army of sin from its fortresses....

_VIII.--LITANIES FOR THE OVERLOOKED_

_VIII.--Litanies for the Overlooked_

_I.--For Americanos_

From scented hotel soap, and from the Boy Scouts; from home cooking, and
from pianos with mandolin attachments; from prohibition, and from Odd
Fellows' funerals; from Key West cigars, and from cold dinner plates;
from transcendentalism, and from the New Freedom; from fat women in
straight-front corsets, and from Philadelphia cream cheese; from _The
Star-Spangled Banner_, and from the International Sunday-school Lessons;
from rubber heels, and from the college spirit; from sulphate of
quinine, and from Boston baked beans; from chivalry, and from
laparotomy; from the dithyrambs of Herbert Kaufman, and from sport in
all its hideous forms; from women with pointed fingernails, and from men
with messianic delusions; from the retailers of smutty anecdotes about
the Jews, and from the Lake Mohonk Conference; from Congressmen, vice
crusaders, and the heresies of Henry Van Dyke; from jokes in the
_Ladies' Home Journal_, and from the Revised Statutes of the United
States; from Colonial Dames, and from men who boast that they take cold
shower-baths every morning; from the Drama League, and from malicious
animal magnetism; from ham and eggs, and from the _Weltanschauung_ of
Kansas; from the theory that a dark cigar is always a strong one, and
from the theory that a horse-hair put into a bottle of water will turn
into a snake; from campaigns against profanity, and from the Pentateuch;
from anti-vivisection, and from women who do not smoke; from
wine-openers, and from Methodists; from Armageddon, and from the belief
that a bloodhound never makes a mistake; from sarcerdotal
moving-pictures, and from virtuous chorus girls; from bungalows, and
from cornets in B flat; from canned soups, and from women who leave
everything to one's honor; from detachable cuffs, and from _Lohengrin_;
from unwilling motherhood, and from canary birds--good Lord, deliver us!

_II.--For Hypochondriacs_

From adenoids, and from chronic desquamative nephritis; from Shiga's
_bacillus_, and from hysterotrachelorrhaphy; from mitral insufficiency,
and from Cheyne-Stokes breathing; from the _streptococcus pyogenes_, and
from splanchnoptosis; from warts, wens, and the _spirochaete pallida_;
from exophthalmic goitre, and from septicopyemia; from poisoning by
sewer-gas, and from the _bacillus coli communis_;