LL'S _House._

LADY SNEERWELL, MRS. CANDOUR, CRABTREE, SIR BENJAMIN BACKBITE, _and_
JOSEPH SURFACE, _discovered_.

_Enter_ LADY TEAZLE _and_ MARIA.

_Lady Sneer._ Lady Teazle, I hope we shall see Sir Peter?

_Lady Teaz._ I believe he'll wait on your ladyship presently.

_Lady Sneer._ Maria, my love, you look grave. Come, you shall sit down
to piquet with Mr. Surface.

_Mar._ I take very little pleasure in cards--however, I'll do as your
ladyship pleases.

_Mrs. Can._ Now I'll die; but you are so scandalous, I'll forswear your
society.

_Lady Teaz._ What's the matter, Mrs. Candour?

_Mrs. Can._ They'll not allow our friend Miss Vermillion to be handsome.

_Lady Sneer._ Oh, surely she is a pretty woman.

_Crab._ I am very glad you think so, ma'am.

_Mrs. Can._ She has a charming fresh color.

_Lady Teaz._ Yes, when it is fresh put on.

_Mrs. Can._ Oh, fie! Her color is natural: I have seen it come and go!

_Lady Teaz._ I dare say you have, ma'am: it goes off at night, and comes
again in the morning.

_Sir Ben._ True, ma'am, it not only comes and goes; but, what's more,
her maid can fetch and carry it!

_Mrs. Can._ Ha! ha! ha! how I hate to hear you talk so! But surely now,
her sister is, or was, very handsome.

_Crab._ Who? Mrs. Evergreen? Oh! she's six-and-fifty if she's an hour!

_Mrs. Can._ Now positively you wrong her; fifty-two or fifty-three is
the utmost--and I don't think she looks more.

_Sir Ben._ Ah! there's no judging by her looks, unless one could see her
face.

_Lady Sneer._ Well, well, if Mrs. Evergreen does take some pains to
repair the ravages of time, you must allow she effects it with great
ingenuity; and surely that's better than the careless manner in which
the widow Ochre caulks her wrinkles.

_Sir Ben._ Nay, now, Lady Sneerwell, you are severe upon the widow.
Come, come, 'tis not that she paints so ill--but, when she has finished
her face, she joins it on so badly to her neck, that she looks like a
mended statue, in which the connoisseur may see at once that the head is
modern, though the trunk's antique.

_Crab._ Ha! ha! ha! Well said, nephew!

_Mrs. Can._ Ha! ha! ha! Well, you make me laugh; but I vow I hate you
for it. What do you think of Miss Simper?

_Sir Ben._ Why, she has very pretty teeth.

_Lady Teaz._ Yes, and on that account, when she is neither speaking nor
laughing (which very seldom happens), she never absolutely shuts her
mouth, but leaves it always