mother was a Welsh milliner, and her father a
sugar-baker at Bristol.

_Sir Ben._ Ah! you are both of you too good-natured!

_Sir Pet._ Yes, distressingly good-natured! This their own relation!
Mercy on me! [_Aside._

_Mrs. Can._ For my part, I own I cannot bear to hear a friend ill-spoken
of.

_Sir Pet._ No, to be sure!

_Sir Ben._ Oh! you are of a moral turn. Mrs. Candour and I can sit for
an hour and hear Lady Stucco talk sentiment.

_Lady Teas._ Nay, I vow Lady Stucco is very well with the dessert after
dinner; for she's just like the French fruit one cracks for
mottoes--made up of paint and proverb.

_Mrs. Can._ Well, I will never join in ridiculing a friend; and so I
constantly tell my cousin Ogle, and you all know what pretensions she
has to be critical on beauty.

_Crab._ Oh, to be sure! she has herself the oddest countenance that ever
was seen; 'tis a collection of features from all the different countries
of the globe.

_Sir Ben._ So she has, indeed--an Irish front----

_Crab._ Caledonian locks----

_Sir Ben._ Dutch nose----

_Crab._ Austrian lips----

_Sir Ben._ Complexion of a Spaniard----

_Crab._ And teeth _a la Chinoise_.

_Sir Ben._ In short, her face resembles a _table d'hote_ at Spa--where
no two guests are of a nation----

_Crab._ Or a congress at the close of a general war--wherein all the
members, even to her eyes, appear to have a different interest, and her
nose and chin are the only parties likely to join issue.

_Mrs. Can._ Ha! ha! ha!

_Sir Pet._ Mercy on my life!--a person they dine with twice a
week! [_Aside._

_Mrs. Can._ Nay, but I vow you shall not carry the laugh off so--for
give me leave to say that Mrs. Ogle----

_Sir Pet._ Madam, madam, I beg your pardon--there's no stopping these
good gentlemen's tongues. But when I tell you, Mrs. Candour, that the
lady they are abusing is a particular friend of mine, I hope you'll not
take her part.

_Lady Sneer._ Ha! ha! ha! well said, Sir Peter! but you are a cruel
creature--too phlegmatic yourself for a jest, and too peevish to allow
wit in others.

_Sir Pet._ Ah, madam, true wit is more nearly allied to good nature than
your ladyship is aware of.

_Lady Teas._ True, Sir Peter; I believe they are so near akin that they
can never be united.

_Sir Ben._ Or rather, suppose them man and wife, because one seldom sees
them together.

_Lady Teaz._ But Sir Peter is such an enemy to scandal, I believe he
woul