ay that an eloquent passion
Has long become quite out of date,
That true love is never the fashion,
And marriage a wearisome state.
They conjure up many a bogie,
To guard a man's bachelor life,
And keep him a selfish old fogey,
And stop him from taking a wife.

They vow that a wife needs a carriage,
And opera-boxes and stalls,
That money's the one thing in marriage,
And cheques are as common as calls.
They say women shy (like some horses)
At vows made to love and obey;
They tell you drear tales of divorces,
And scandals, the talk of the day.

But hang all those cynical railings,
Just write me one exquisite line
To say you'll look over my failings,
And promise me you will be mine.
And though I'm aware it's the merest
Small matter of detail, to clear
The ground, I may mention, my dearest,
I've full thirty thousand a year.

* * * * *

BACON AND A MOUTHFUL.--Last Friday His Honour Judge BACON had to
decide a case which was headed in the papers "Cagliostromantheon."
What a mouthful! Mrs. CHURCHILL-JODRELL, who was a fair defendant, won
the case; and His Honour--this appeal having been made to His Honour
by Mr. B. PLAYFAIR, an excellent name for any gentleman, on or off the
stage, but especially for one described as "an actor,"--decided that
His Honour was satisfied. Peace with His Honour!

* * * * *

NEW TORY NURSERY RHYME.

(_BY "A CAMBRIDGE PARSON_.")

["The last reliance of the Tories in extremity is the policy
of 'Dishing.'"--_Sir W. Harcourt_.]

Hey diddle diddle,
The voters we'd fiddle
With Free Education--that "boon."
But Wisbech birds laugh
At such plain party "chaff,"
And the "Dish"--at the polls--proves a "Spoon."

* * * * *

FROM GRANDOLPH THE EXPLORER.

Oh, for one hour of the Amphytrion! I can't even send you a digest
of the news generally, for my power to digest is already becoming
seriously impaired. Here, indeed, as say the Witches in _Macbeth_ (I
think it's the Witches, but haven't my _Shakspeare_ handy, I mean
my _Handy Shakspeare_, with me--wish I had), "Fowl is Fare." Send my
Pilgrim's Scrip next week. Till then, Yours ever, GRANDOLPH.

* * * * *

IN THE NAME OF CHARLES DIBDIN!

_A LAY FOR THE LIFEBOAT SERVICE._

[An urgent appeal is made on behalf of the