f Members of the legal
profession having acquired habits of intemperance in
consequence of the facilities for procuring alcoholic drinks
in the building, and the difficulty of obtaining tea and
coffee."--_Cobb, on the Refreshment Bars of the Law Courts_.]

SCENE--_Apartment in the Chancery Division. Time, 2.15 P.M.
Judge, Bar, Solicitors, and Public discovered in a state
more easily imagined (by Mr. COBB) than described._

_Judge_ (_thickly_). What want t'know--what-do-next? (_Smiles._) Very
hot! Very hot indeed! [_Frowns._

_First Q.C._ (_rising unsteadily_). P'raps m'Lord let m'explain! Case
of _Brown_-versus-_Smith_, should say--course--_Smith_-versus-_Brown_.
(_Smiles._) Absurd! Can't-say-more! [_Sits down abruptly._

_Judge_ (_angrily_). Very irregular this! Commit--contempt--Court!

_Second Q.C._ (_leaning luxuriously on desk_). P'raps m'Lord let me
explain. Learned friend--drunk! [_Disappears under his seat._

_Judge_ (_angrily, to Second Q.C._) So you! so everybody! (_With
maudlin tenderness_.) Must respect Court! (_Savagely._) You are all
disgusting--disgustingly--'tosticated! Adjourn--morrow mornin'. Usher,
brandy sodah! [_Scene closes in--fortunately!_

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Commons, Monday, July 27_.--Quite like old times to-night.
Public business interrupted, and private Member suspended. The victim
is ATKINSON, Member for Boston; been on the rampage all last week; a
terror to the Clerks' table; haunting the SPEAKER's Chair, and making
the Sergeant-at-Arms's flesh creep. Decidedly inconvenient to have
a gentleman with pale salmon neck-tie and white waistcoat, suddenly
popping his head round SPEAKER's Chair, and crying, "Ah, ah!" "No, you
don't!" "Would you, then?" and other discursive remarks. Curious how
ATKINSON, indulging in these luxuries himself; hotly resents attempts
by others to enjoy similar exotics of conversation. Narrating his
grievances just now, he dwelt with especial fervour on one of them.
"One of the Clerks," he told the House, "when I showed him a Motion,
said, 'Oh! oh!' I said, 'Don't say "Oh! oh!" to me.'"

[Illustration: "No Hankey-Pankey with me."]

"Why not?" asked HANKEY, with that direct, almost abrupt manner that
becomes a Magistrate for Surrey and Chairman of the Consolidated Bank.
"Why not? Are you to have monopoly of this simple interjection? Ar