no one's likely to." returns the cheery speaker. "He's staying
with some friends a little way out of the town. He has just sent me a
note by hand to say that he won't occupy his room till to-morrow, and
will be much obliged if Mr. CAPES will forward by bearer a bag that
was labelled and addressed to the room taken for him here, No. 142."

[Illustration: "---- Speed the Parting Guest."]

"But--" exclaims the Proprietor, aghast, "but--"

At this moment I catch sight of the man with the cheery voice. Saved!
I know him. It is my old friend, Sir JOHN HARTLEY, M.D., who, years
ago, told me there was nothing the matter with me, only I must take a
holiday and go abroad to get better (most excellent advice, and I've
never been quite well since), and who now exclaims, with all his old
breadth of manner, "What _you_ here! Bravo! We'll make you an honorary
member!"

The Proprietor looks at me, and I at the Proprietor. I know what is
passing through the mind of Mr. NORFOLK CAPES, F.R.G.S. and P.R.B.H.
I hasten to relieve his anxiety by saying, "Thanks; I'm here only for
the night; I'm off to-morrow. I've just come down here to look for a
house. By the way, I rather think that Dr. MCSIMMUM's bag must be in
my room. Let's see."

So I depart with the Proprietor. Explanations _en route_. Dr.
MCSIMMUM's bag has been placed in my room, I should say in _his_ room.
But I've got the apartment, and if it hadn't been for the mistake, I
should have been homeless and houseless, and a wanderer on the face
of the sand at Bournemouth. Must write to that best of all doctors,
MCSIMMUM, and thank him for not coming to-night.

As it is I spend a delightful evening with the Members of the B.M.A.
here assembled, in the smoking-room. The conversation is chiefly
about the use of alcohol and tobacco as poisons. The decision arrived
at towards one o'clock A.M., or, more correctly speaking, the
Inn-decision, is that, on this particular occasion, one glass more of
something or other, and just one last pipe or cigar, cannot possibly
hurt anybody. This is carried _nem. con._: and so, subsequently, we
adjourn, not carried but walking, soberly and honestly, to bed.

Next morning up with the lark, indeed a trifle earlier, and after
examining Bournemouth and finding excellent residences up above in
beautiful air where it must always be breezy, I thank Mr. NORFOLK
CAPES, F.R.G.S. and P.R.B.H for the Hospitality shown me in his
exceptionally pleasant house, an