But art _thou_ sure the Allotted Field
A present paradise will yield,
Making a lady of a thrall,
As dreamed at the Memorial Hall?

Thy Village Council, Cottage cosy,
Present in sooth a prospect rosy,
But promises so oft are rotten;
I've oft been wooed--and oft forgotten!

Free vote, fair rating, open school,
Good wage, intelligent self-rule,--
These are enticements me would move
To live with thee and be thy love.

If thy zeal last, if love, indeed,
Fire thee my hapless lot to heed;
Then such delights my mind shall move
To live with thee and be thy love.

* * * * *

A LOST OPPORTUNITY.--During a recent _cause celebre_ in the Divorce
Court the petitioner was asked by Sir CHARLES RUSSELL, Q.C., M.P.,
P.T.P.C., "Did he do anything?" to which the reply was, "He took up
a salt-cellar and threw the contents in my face." Mr. FRANK LOCKWOOD,
Q.C., M.P., V.P.T.P.C. has been lamenting ever since that he could
not have appeared as _amicus curiae_ to point out that this testimony,
until flatly contradicted, "must be taken as _prima facie_ evidence of
_a salting her_."

* * * * *

CHRISTMAS NUMBERS.

_AFTER A VERY OLD NURSERY MODEL._

One, two, crimson and blue;
Two, three, treaclyness free;
Three, four, gilding galore;
Four, five, bogies alive;
Five, six, spectres from Styx;
Six, seven, angels from heaven;
Seven, eight, big "extra plate";
Eight, nine, wassail and wine;
Nine, ten, pencil and pen;
Ten, eleven, commercial leaven;
Eleven, twelve, "high-art" shelve;
Thirteen, fourteen, pictures of sporting;
Fifteen, sixteen, ghost-stories, fixt een;
Seventeen, eighteen, advertisements great in;
Nineteen, twenty, profit in plenty!

* * * * *

[Illustration: "WHEN A MAN DOES NOT LOOK HIS BEST."--NO. 5.

WHEN, AFTER LUNCHING SUMPTUOUSLY AT A STRANGE HOTEL IN A STRANGE PART
OF THE COUNTRY, IT SUDDENLY OCCURS TO HIM THAT HE HAS LEFT HIS PURSE,
WITH ALL HIS MONEY IN IT, IN THE MAIL TRAIN GOING NORTH.]

* * * * *

ILLEGAL FICTIONS.

SCENE--_Interior of a Publisher's Office, shortly after the
trial of Pinnock v. Chapman and Hall._

_Publisher_. We have given our best attention to your Manuscript of
a three-volumed novel, called--let me see, what did you call it? Oh,
yes, here it is!--called, _Haunted b