ed so awkwardly, and looked so pale, that the captain suggested
chills, and prescribed brandy. Fred smiled feebly, and replied,

"No, thank you, Sam; brandy's at the bottom of the trouble. I"--here
Fred made a tremendous attempt to rally himself--"I want _you_ to swear
off, Sam."

The astonishment of Captain Crayme was marked enough to be alarming at
first; then the ludicrous feature of Fred's request struck him so
forcibly that he burst into a laugh before whose greatness Fred trembled
and shrank.

"Well, by thunder!" exclaimed the captain, when he recovered his breath;
"if that isn't the best thing I ever heard yet! The idea of a steamboat
captain swearing off his whisky! Say, Fred, don't you want me to join
the Church? I forgot that you'd married a preacher's daughter, or I
wouldn't have been so puzzled over your white face to-day. Sam Crayme
brought down to cold water! Wouldn't the boys along the river get up a
sweet lot of names for me--the 'Cold-water Captain,' 'Psalm-singing
Sammy!' and then, when an editor or any other visitor came aboard,
_wouldn't_ I look the thing, hauling out glasses and a pitcher of water!
Say, Fred, does your wife let you drink tea and coffee?"

"Sam!" exclaimed Fred, springing to his feet, "if you don't stop
slanting at my wife, I'll knock you down."

"Good!" said the captain, without exhibiting any signs of trepidation.
"_Now_ you talk like yourself again. I beg your pardon, old fellow; you
know I was only joking, but it _is_ too funny. You'll have to take a
trip or two with me again, though, and be reformed."

"Not any," said Fred, resuming his chair; "take your wife along, and
reform yourself."

"Look here, now, young man," said the captain, "_you're_ cracking on
too much steam. Honestly, Fred, I've kept a sharp eye on you for two or
three months, and I am right glad you can let whisky alone. I've seen
times when I wished I were in your boots; but steamboats can't be run
without liquor, however it may be with woolen mills."

"That's all nonsense," said Fred. "You get trade because you run your
boat on time, charge fair prices, and deliver your freight in good
order. Who gives you business because you drink and treat?"

The captain, being unable to recall any shipper of the class alluded to
by Fred, changed his course.

"'Tisn't so much that," said he; "it's a question of reputation. How
would I feel to go ashore at Pittsburgh or Louisville or Cincinnati, and
refuse to drink