mament-clogging rottenness his own
achievement in due course of nature, yet had not I believed it; but
had said the pit itself hath furnished forth the stink, and heaven's
artillery hath shook the globe in admiration of it.

[Then was there a silence, and each did turn him toward the worshipful
Sr Walter Ralegh, that browned, embattled, bloody swashbuckler, who
rising up did smile, and simpering say,]

Sr W.--Most gracious maisty, 'twas I that did it, but indeed it was so
poor and frail a note, compared with such as I am wont to furnish, yt in
sooth I was ashamed to call the weakling mine in so august a presence.
It was nothing--less than nothing, madam--I did it but to clear my
nether throat; but had I come prepared, then had I delivered something
worthy. Bear with me, please your grace, till I can make amends.

[Then delivered he himself of such a godless and rock-shivering blast
that all were fain to stop their ears, and following it did come so
dense and foul a stink that that which went before did seem a poor and
trifling thing beside it. Then saith he, feigning that he blushed and
was confused, I perceive that I am weak to-day, and cannot justice do
unto my powers; and sat him down as who should say, There, it is not
much yet he that hath an arse to spare, let him fellow that, an' he
think he can. By God, an' I were ye queene, I would e'en tip this
swaggering braggart out o' the court, and let him air his grandeurs
and break his intolerable wind before ye deaf and such as suffocation
pleaseth.]

Then fell they to talk about ye manners and customs of many peoples, and
Master Shaxpur spake of ye boke of ye sieur Michael de Montaine,
wherein was mention of ye custom of widows of Perigord to wear uppon
ye headdress, in sign of widowhood, a jewel in ye similitude of a man's
member wilted and limber, whereat ye queene did laugh and say widows
in England doe wear prickes too, but betwixt the thighs, and not wilted
neither, till coition hath done that office for them. Master Shaxpur
did likewise observe how yt ye sieur de Montaine hath also spoken of a
certain emperor of such mighty prowess that he did take ten maidenheddes
in ye compass of a single night, ye while his empress did entertain two
and twenty lusty knights between her sheetes, yet was not satisfied;
whereat ye merrie Countess Granby saith a ram is yet ye emperor's
superior, sith he wil tup above a hundred yewes 'twixt sun and sun; and
after, if he can hav