peaker,
for it was a maiden speech, and as such was entitled to precedence by
the courteous custom of the House, 'I know why the Right Honourable
Member from the City did not conclude his speech with a proposal.
The only way to conclude such a speech appropriately would be with a
motion!'"

AEOLIAN CREPITATIONS

But society had apparently degenerated sadly in modern times, and even
in the era of Elizabeth, for at an earlier date it was a serious--nay,
capital--offense to break wind in the presence of majesty. The Emperor
Claudius, hearing that one who had suppressed the urge while paying
him court had suffered greatly thereby, "intended to issue an edict,
allowing to all people the liberty of giving vent at table to any
distension occasioned by flatulence:"

Martial, too (Book XII, Epigram LXXVII), tells of the embarrassment of
one who broke wind while praying in the Capitol,

"One day, while standing upright, addressing his prayers to Jupiter,
Aethon farted in the Capitol. Men laughed, but the Father of the Gods,
offended, condemned the guilty one to dine at home for three nights.
Since that time, miserable Aethon, when he wishes to enter the Capitol,
goes first to Paterclius' privies and farts ten or twenty times. Yet,
in spite of this precautionary crepitation, he salutes Jove with
constricted buttocks." Martial also (Book IV, Epigram LXXX), ridicules a
woman who was subject to the habit, saying,

"Your Bassa, Fabullus, has always a child at her side, calling it her
darling and her plaything; and yet--more wonder--she does not care for
children. What is the reason then. Bassa is apt to fart. (For which she
could blame the unsuspecting infant.)"

The tale is told, too, of a certain woman who performed an aeolian
crepitation at a dinner attended by the witty Monsignieur Dupanloup,
Bishop of Orleans, and that when, to cover up her lapse, she began to
scrape her feet upon the floor, and to make similar noises, the Bishop
said, "Do not trouble to find a rhyme, Madam!"

Nay, worthier names than those of any yet mentioned have discussed the
matter. Herodotus tells of one such which was the precursor to the fall
of an empire and a change of dynasty--that which Amasis discharges while
on horseback, and bids the envoy of Apries, King of Egypt, catch and
deliver to his royal master. Even the exact manner and posture of
Amasis, author of this insult, is described.

St. Augustine (The City of God, XIV:24) cites the in