re not very brisk servants for a gentleman to take
to fashionable London. I had taken Paddy out of his finery and dressed
him in a suit of decent brown; but his hair was still unbarbered, and
I saw that unless I had a care his appearance would greatly surprise
and please London. I resolved to have him shorn at the first large
town.

As for Jem Bottles, his clothes were well enough, and indeed he was
passable in most ways unless it was his habit, when hearing a sudden
noise, to take a swift dark look to the right and to the left. Then,
further, people might shrewdly note his way of always sitting with his
back to the wall and his face to the door. However, I had no doubt of
my ability to cure him of these tricks as soon as he was far enough
journeyed from the scenes of his earlier activity.

But the idea I entertained at this moment was more to train them to be
fine grand servants, such as I had seen waiting on big people in Bath.
They were both willing enough, but they had no style to them. I
decided to begin at once and see what I could teach them.

"Paddy," said I, taking off my sword and holding it out to him. "My
sword!"

Paddy looked at it. "It is, sir," he answered respectfully.

"Bad scran to you, Paddy!" I cried angrily. "I am teaching you your
duties. Take the sword! In both hands, mind you! Now march over and
lay it very tenderly on the stand at the head of the bed. There now!"

I now turned my attention to Jem Bottles.

"Bottles," said I peremptorily, "my coat and waistcoat."

"Yes, sir," replied Bottles quickly, profiting by Paddy's lesson.

"There now," said I, as Bottles laid the coat and waistcoat on a
dresser. "'Tis a good beginning. When supper comes I shall teach you
other duties."

The supper came in due course, and after the inn's man had gone I bid
Jem and Paddy stand one on either side of my chair and a little way
back. "Now," said I, "stand square on your feet, and hold your heads
away high, and stick your elbows out a little, and try to look as if
you don't know enough to tell fire from water. Jem Bottles has it.
That's it! Bedad! look at the ignorance on him! He's the man for you,
Paddy! Wake up now, and look stupid. Am I not telling you?"

"Begor!" said Paddy dejectedly, "I feel like the greatest omadhaun in
all the west country, and if that is not being stupid enough for your
honour I can do no better."

"Shame to you, Paddy, to let an Englishman beat you so easily," said
I. "Ta