is regal
age, when every man is his own sovereign, somebody had to provide
palaces, and, as royalty is not supposed to have any permanent abiding
place in a country like this, it was thought best to put these palaces
on wheels; and, since we have been told by reliable authority that
"Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown," we thought it necessary to
introduce every device to enable those crowned heads to rest as easily
as possible. Of course we cannot be expected to do as much for the
travelling public as the railway companies. They at times put their
passengers to death. We only put them to sleep. We don't pretend that
all the devices, patents, and inventions upon these cars are due to the
genius of the management. Many of the best suggestions have come from
the travellers themselves, especially New England travellers.
[Laughter.]

Some years ago, when the bedding was not supposed to be as fat as it
ought to be, and the pillows were accused of being constructed upon the
homoeopathic principle, a New Englander got on a car one night. Now,
it is a remarkable fact that a New Englander never goes to sleep in one
of these cars. He lies awake all night, thinking how he can improve upon
every device and patent in sight. [Laughter.] He poked his head out of
the upper berth at midnight, hailed the porter and said, "Say, have you
got such a thing as a corkscrew about you?" "We don't 'low no drinkin'
sperits aboa'd these yer cars, sah," was the reply. "'Tain't that," said
the Yankee, "but I want to get hold onto one of your pillows that has
kind of worked its way into my ear." [Loud laughter.] The pillows have
since been enlarged.

I notice that, in the general comprehensiveness of the sentiment which
follows this toast, you allude to that large and liberal class of
patrons, active though defunct, known as "deadheads." It is said to be
a quotation from Shakespeare. That is a revelation. It proves
conclusively that Shakespeare must at one time have resided in the State
of Missouri. It is well-known that the term was derived from a practice
upon a Missouri railroad, where, by a decision of the courts, the
railroad company had been held liable in heavy damages in case of
accidents where a passenger lost an arm or a leg, but when he was killed
outright his friends seldom sued, and he never did; and the company
never lost any money in such cases. In fact, a grateful mother-in-law
would occasionally pay the company a bonus. The con