se he found us a
little handier to get at. But there is no use in speakers coming here
and pleading want of preparation, because, doubtless, the New Englanders
who expected to take part to-night might have been found at any time
within the last six months sitting under blue glass to enlarge their
ideas. [Laughter.] I ventured to say to the committee that, this being
such a large room, some of your speakers might not have a high enough
tone of voice to be heard at the other end. They looked unutterable
things at me, as much as to say that at New England dinners I would
find the speakers could not be otherwise than high-toned. [Laughter.]

The first New Englander I ever had the pleasure to listen to was a
Pilgrim from Boston, who came out to the town in Pennsylvania, where I
lived, to deliver a lecture. We all went to the lecture. We were told it
was worth twice the price of admission to see that man wipe the corners
of his mouth with his handkerchief before he commenced to speak. Well,
he spoke for about two hours on the subject of the indestructibility of
the absolute in connection with the mutability of mundane affairs. The
pitch and variety of the nasal tones was wonderful, and he had an
amazing command of the longest nouns and adjectives. It was a beautiful
lecture. The town council tried to borrow it and have it set to music.
It was one of those lectures that would pay a man to walk ten miles in
wet feet--to avoid. After he got through, a gentleman in the audience,
thinking it the part of good nature, stepped up and congratulated him
upon his "great effort." The lecturer took it as a matter of course, and
replied, "Oh, yes, you will find the whole atmosphere of Boston
exhilarant with intellectual vitality." [Laughter.]

Now, if there is one thing which modern Pilgrims pride themselves upon
more than another, it is in being the lineal descendants of those who
came over by the Mayflower. To prove this, when you visit their homes,
they bring forth family records in the shape of knives, forks, and
spoons that were taken from the Mayflower. From the number of those
articles I have seen, I have come to the conclusion that the captain of
the Mayflower did not get back to England with a single article
belonging to the ship that was not nailed fast to the deck. Such a dread
have the people of that island of this widespread Puritanical
kleptomania attaching to people coming here, that even as late as 1812
the commander of on