r own city of Troy, where there are two police forces on
duty--that it is governed a great deal. You can't help thinking of the
philosophical remark made by that learned Chinese statesman, Chin Lan
Pin, when he was here at the time Dennis Kearney was having an
unpleasantness with the Orientals. A man said to him, "Your people will
have to get out of here; the Irish carry too much religion around to
associate with Pagans." "Yes," said Chin Lan Pin, "we have determined to
go. Our own country is too overcrowded now, we can't go there, and I
think we'll go to Ireland." Said the man, "To Ireland? You will be
jumping out of the frying-pan into the fire." Said Chin Lan Pin, "I have
travelled in your country and all around a good deal, and I have come to
the conclusion that nowadays Ireland is about the only country that is
not governed by the Irish." [Applause and laughter.]

Then you go to Scotland. You want to learn from personal observation
whether the allegation is true that the Scotch are a people who are
given to keeping the Sabbath day--and everything else they can lay their
hands on. [Laughter.] You have heard that it is a musical country, and
you immediately find that it is. You hardly land there before you hear
the bag-pipes. You hear that disheartening music, and you sit down and
weep. You know that there is only one other instrument in the world that
will produce such strains, and that is a steam piano on a Mississippi
steamboat when the engineer is drunk. And in this musical country they
tell you in song about the "Lassies Comin' Through the Rye;" but they
never tell you about the rye that goes through the "laddies." And they
will tell you in song about "bodies meeting bodies coming through the
rye," and you tell them that the practice is entirely un-American; that
in America bodies usually are impressed with the solemnity of the
occasion and the general propriety of the thing, and lie quiet until the
arrival of the coroner, but that the coroners are disputing so much in
regard to their jurisdiction, and so many delays occur in issuing burial
permits, that, altogether, they are making the process so tedious and
disagreeable that nowadays in America hardly anybody cares to die. You
tell them this in all seriousness, and you will see from their
expression that they receive it in the same spirit. [Laughter.]

Then you go to England. You have seen her colonies forming a belt around
the circle of the earth, on which th