angtry, he would have found that there was not even
the undigested corner of a carbuncular potato to stop the pyloric
orifice; he would have found upon those inner walls not a morsel of
those things which perish with using. [Laughter.]

But Mr. Choate must have his joke. He is a professional lawyer, and I
have frequently observed that lawyers' jokes are like an undertaker's
griefs--strictly professional. You begin now to sympathize with
everybody that ever went to sea. You think of the Pilgrim Fathers during
the tempestuous voyage in the Mayflower. You reflect how fully their
throats must have been occupied, and you can see how they originated the
practice of speaking through their noses. [Great laughter and applause.]
Why, you will get so nauseated before the trip is over at the very sight
of the white caps that you can't look at the heads of the French nurses
in Paris without feeling seasick. There are the usual "characters"
about. There is the customary foreign spinster of uncertain age that has
been visiting here, who regales you with stories of how in New York she
had twelve men at her feet. Subsequent inquiry proves that they were
chiropodists. [Laughter.]

And then you approach Ireland. You have had enough of the ocean wave,
and you think you will stop there. I have no doubt everybody present,
after hearing from the lips of the distinguished chaplain on my right as
to the character of the men who come from that country, will hereafter
always want to stop there. And when you land at Queenstown you are taken
for an American suspect. They think you are going to join the Fenian
army. They look at you as if you intended to go forth from that ship as
the dove went forth from the ark, in search of some green thing. You
assure them that the only manner in which you can be compared with that
dove is in the general peacefulness of your intentions. Then you go
wandering around by the shores of the Lakes of Killarney and the Gap of
Dunloe, that spot where the Irishman worked all day for the agent of an
absentee landlord on the promise of getting a glass of grog. At night
the agent brought out the grog to him, and the Irishman tasted it, and
he said to the agent, "Which did you put in first, the whiskey or the
water?" "Oh," said he, "the whiskey." "Ah, ha! Well, maybe I'll come to
it by and by." [Laughter.] You look around upon the army, the
constabulary, the police, and you begin to think that Ireland is a good
deal like ou