in the disconsolate language of Bildad the Shuhite
to the patriarch Job, "How long will it be ere ye make an end of words?"
Let me say then, in conclusion, that, coming as I do from the unassuming
State of Pennsylvania, and standing in the presence of the dazzling
genius of New England, I wish to express the same degree of humility
that was expressed by a Dutch Pennsylvania farmer in a railroad car, at
the breaking out of the war. A New Englander came in who had just heard
of the fall of Fort Sumter, and he was describing it to the farmer and
his fellow-passengers. He said that in the fort they had an engineer
from New England, who had constructed the traverses, and the embrasures,
and the parapets in such a manner as to make everybody within the fort
as safe as if he had been at home; and on the other side, the
Southerners had an engineer who had been educated in New England, and he
had, with his scientific attainments, succeeded in making the batteries
of the bombarders as safe as any harvest field, and the bombardment had
raged for two whole days, and the fort had been captured, and the
garrison had surrendered, and not a man was hurt on either side. A great
triumph for science, and a proud day for New England education. Said the
farmer, "I suppose dat ish all right, but it vouldn't do to send any of
us Pennsylvany fellers down dare to fight mit does pattles. Like as not
ve vould shoost pe fools enough to kill somepody." [Loud applause and
laughter, and cries of "Go on; go on."]

* * * * *

HOW TO AVOID THE SUBJECT

[Speech of Horace Porter at the seventy-fifth annual dinner of the
New England Society in the City of New York, December 22, 1880. "We
have been told here to-night," said the President, James C. Carter,
"that New York has been peopled by pilgrims of various races, and I
propose, as our next toast, 'The Pilgrims of Every Race.' And I
call upon our ever welcome friend, General Horace Porter, for a
response."]

MR. PRESIDENT:--I am here, like the rest of your guests, to-night, in
consequence of these notes of invitation that we have received. I know
it is always more gratifying to an audience for speakers to be able to
assure them, in the outset of their remarks, that they are here without
notes; but such is not my case. I received the following:

"The Committee of Arrangements of the New England Society respectfully
invite you to b