urses of lectures for myself. It was to be expected
that the lectures of the professors would produce a singular effect
upon me, and so they did.

I chose as my courses natural history, physics, and mathematics, but I
was little satisfied. I seldom gained what I expected. Everywhere I
sought for a sound method deriving itself from the fundamental principle
lying at the root of the subject in hand, and afterwards summing up all
details into that unity again; everywhere I sought for recognition of
the quickening interconnection of parts, and for the exposition of the
inner all-pervading reign of law. Only a few lectures made some poor
approach to such methods, but I found nothing of the sort in those which
were most important to me, physics and mathematics. Especially repugnant
to me was the piece-meal patchwork offered to us in geometry, always
separating and dividing, never uniting and consolidating.

I was, however, perfectly fascinated with the mathematical rules of
"combination, permutation, and variation," but unhappily I could not
give much time to their study, which I have regretted ever since.
Otherwise, what I learned from the lectures was too slight for what I
wanted, being, unluckily, altogether foreign to my nature, and more
often a mere getting of rules by heart rather than an unfolding of
principles. The theoretical and philosophical courses on various
subjects did not attract me either, something about them always kept me
at a distance; and from what I heard of them amongst my fellow-students,
I could gather that here, too, all was presented in an arbitrary
fashion, unnaturally divided, cut up, so to speak, into lifeless
morsels; so that it was useless for my inner life to seek for
satisfaction in those regions of study. But as I said above, there were
some of the lectures which fostered my interest in the inner connection
of all vital phenomena, and even helped me to trace it with some
certainty in some few restricted circles.

But my financial position did not permit me to remain long at the
university; and as my studies were those which fitted the student for
practical professional life, though they were regarded from a higher
point of view by myself in the privacy of my own thoughts, I had to
return to ordinary every-day work, and use them as a means to earn my
living. Yet, though I lived the outward business life to all appearance,
it remained ever foreign to my nature; I carried my own world within