you tell me you were
going--might have gone together. I say, I've got a guide here.

_Culch._ (_drily_). So we perceive--a very sensible plan, no doubt, in
some cases, my dear fellow.

_Podb._ (_to Miss T._). Do come and listen to him, most intelligent
chap--great fun. Mr. CULCHARD is above that sort of thing, I dare say.

_Guide._ Your vriendts laike to choin, yais? Same for tree as for von.
I exblain all de beecture.

_Miss T._ You're vurry obliging, Mr. PODBURY, but your friend is
explaining it all just splendidly.

_Podb._ (_piqued_). Perhaps I had better dismiss my chap, and take on
CULCHARD, too?

_Miss T._ No, I'd just hate to have you do that. Keep on going round.
You mustn't mind us, indeed!

_Podb._ Oh, if you'd rather! (_Gloomily, to Guide._) They can do
without _us_. Just show me something more in the blood-and-thunder
line--no, at the other end of the room. [_They withdraw._

_Guide._ Hier is von dat is vary amusant. You know de schtory of de
Tree Vishes, eh?

_Podb._ _Macbeth_, eh? oh, I see--_Wishes!_ No, what was that?

_Guide_. I dell it you. (_He tells it; PODBURY falls into gloomy
abstraction._) ... And inschdantly she vind a grade pig soasage at de
end of her noase. So de ole voman--

_Podb._ (_wearily_). Oh, I've heard all _that_. What's this one about?

_Guide_. Dis is galled "De lasht Gannon." You see de vigure of
Ceevilization flodderin op viz de vings, vile Brogress preaks asonder
de lasht gon, and in a gorner a Genius purns de vrontier bost.

_Podb._ (_captiously_). What's he doing _that_ for?

_Guide_. I tont know. I subbose begause dey are bosts, or
(_dubiously_) begause he is a Genius.

_Culch._ (_touching PODBURY's arm as he goes out_). Oh--er--PODBURY,
I'm off. Going to lunch somewhere with the--ah--TROTTERS. See you at
_table d'hote_ this evening, I suppose? Good-bye.

_Podb._ (_savagely_). Oh, ta-ta! (_To himself_.). And that's the
fellow who said he wanted to keep out of making friends! How the
dickens am I going to get through the time by myself? (_To Guide_.)
Here, that's enough for one day. When I want you again, I'll let you
know.

[_He dismisses him, and stands forlornly in the Gallery, while
the Imperfectly Educated Daughter goes on spelling out the
Catalogue for her Parents' edification._

* * * * *

A STORY--OUT OF SEASON.

[Illustration]

So she's married to _him_! Whilst I travelled and wandered
Far