chairs," said a woman with long, brown hair.

"I cane people," said a man with a crewcut.

"If you sincerely want to take the next step in your spiritual
evolution," Atmananda said, "we will mail your photographs to Guru.
Guru will use his psychic vision to see if you are meant to study with
him."

By the time Chinmoy accepted the flight attendant, the crafts-person,
and the marine, there were many more applicants to be processed.

Despite the intensity of the recruitment drive, Atmananda found time to
assist certain seekers on a one-on-one basis. Mandy, in particular,
must have exhibited potential because he often spent nights at her
condo.

I figured it was okay for Atmananda to sleep with Mandy, though it was
not okay for me to appreciate her beauty. He was, after all, an
advanced disciple and knew a lot more about these things than I. (He
said on occasion that I could have a girlfriend outside the Centre, but
mostly he said that I shouldn't.) My perceptions might have changed,
however, had I known that he was sleeping with *numerous* women
disciples. My perceptions also might have changed had I known about
the "Bedroom Incident."

When Atmananda first flew with Rachel to La Jolla in search of a
rental, he chose a house with "good vibes"--but with only four
bedrooms. He told Rachel that he would take the large bedroom, that
she would take the dining room and living room areas, and that they
would switch.

But he never allowed her to use the living room. Nor would he switch.
To complicate matters, he often sat outside her makeshift bedroom,
advising disciples through the night and early morning how they could
accelerate their march toward a wordless perfection.

Unlike Atmananda, Rachel had to wake up in the morning and go to work.
After too many nights of too little sleep, she grew tired, angry, and
confused.

When Atmananda sensed that she was not her usual, happy self, he did
not openly communicate his displeasure. Instead, he ignored her. He
let the other women know that she was in a bad consciousness and should
be avoided whenever possible. He began to treat her as if she were an
outsider.

Rachel grew increasingly flustered. She reached out in her thoughts to
Guru, to family, and to friends. When Atmananda asked her to move out
of the house, she breathed an exhausted sigh of relief.

In the meantime, without a clue, I studied literature, worked
part-time, read Guru's books, meditated on