ess often,
and I soon caught up on sleep. Refreshed from the rest, I tried to
understand the changes that had been taking place within the Centre and
within Atmananda. My thoughts were frequently interrupted by squawks
from Atmananda's fourteen blue-and-gold macaws. He kept them in a room
in the garage. He was unaware that they were gnawing a hole in the
roof. He planned to tame them and to sell them at a profit.

One time I lay in bed thinking about One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest, a
book Atmananda had recommended to me. At first I thought about the
similarities between Atmananda and R. P. McMurphy, the novel's
free-spirited protagonist. Both men, I realized, exuded auras of
self-confidence. Atmananda, for instance, had once offered to teach me
the secret of attracting women. Jutting his chin forward like a
boxer's glove, he focused on an imaginary horizon and began taking long
and rhythmic strides. He suddenly seemed eight feet tall, and I
watched in awe as he ignored the young women who were checking him out.

Both Atmananda and McMurphy, I realized, shared their knowledge with
others. Atmananda, for instance, made a special effort to make his
followers feel big. "How can you become strong and self-confident?" he
asked at Centre meetings. "By doing all the things I have been
recommending. By meditating. By leading impeccable lives. By cutting
off those--such as your family--who are draining your power. And by
learning to trust in yourselves."

Both Atmananda and McMurphy, I also realized, were teachers of
self-sacrifice. Atmananda, for instance, lectured on Jesus Christ,
Gandhi, and McMurphy. "McMurphy," he said at Centre meetings, "leads
twelve men to the sea and takes them fishing. After the fishing trip,
McMurphy is worn out. He is in pain. He has exhausted his energy so
that others might be free. This is the essence of self-giving. This is
why I do what I do."

I reflected on the sacrifices that Atmananda had been making lately.
His efforts at running a spiritual Centre appeared to leave him
exhausted and in pain. Dealing with the physical and non-physical
demands of a congregation was no doubt an enormous imposition. And
what a spiritual leader he was! I pictured him striding about with his
chin jutting forward, exuding that aura of confidence; sharing insights
into metaphysical philosophies of the ancients, as well as American pop
culture of the early '80s; joking and singing, inspir