the Princess Kornakova to dance,
declaring that I did not dance, though I had come to her evening party
with the express intention of dancing a great deal. I remained silently
in one place the whole evening.

Avdotya's passionate love for Papa was evident in every word, look, and
action. We were always hypocritically polite to her, called her _chere
maman_, and noted that at first she was fond of calling herself
stepmother, and that she plainly felt the unpleasantness of her
position. Her disposition was very amiable and she was in no way
exacting.

My first examination at length arrived. It was on differential and
integral calculus. I was indifferent and abstracted, but a feeling of
some dread passed over me when the same young professor who had
questioned me at the entrance examination looked me in the face. I
answered so badly that he looked at me compassionately, and said quietly
but firmly that as I should not pass in the second class I had better
not present myself for examination. I went home and remained weeping in
my room for three days over my failure. I even looked out my pistols, in
order that they might be at hand if I should feel a wish to shoot
myself. Finally, I saw my father and begged him to permit me to enter
the hussars, or to go to the Caucasus.

Though he was not pleased, yet, when he saw how deep was my grief he
sought to comfort me by saying that it was not so very bad, and that
arrangements might be made for a different course of study. After a few
days I became composed, but did not leave the house till we departed for
the country. I may some day relate the sequel in the happier half of my
youth.

[Tolstoy has never published the continuation, but it is generally
considered that he represents himself in Constantine Levin, the hero of
the greatest of his stories, and that thus we gain an insight into his
mature thoughts.]

* * * * *

My Confession

Count Lyof N. Tolstoy in writing this work expressed himself
in such independent terms that it could not be published in
Russia, but was issued in Geneva in 1888, by the firm of
Elpidine, who had printed in 1886 his "What is my Life," and
in 1892 brought out his "Walk in the Light." The books thus
issued in the original Russian version outside of the famous
author's native land are all purely spiritual, and are written
in the most elevated tone. But Tolstoy's mode of