rstand that the deepest source of human wisdom was to be
found in the answers given by faith, that I had no reasonable right to
reject them, and that they alone solved the problem of life.

_IV.--Mistakes Apprehended_

Nevertheless my heart was not lightened. I studied the writings of
Buddhism, Islam, and Christianity. I also studied actual religious life
by turning to the orthodox, the monks, and the Evangelicals who preach
salvation through faith in a Redeemer. I asked what meaning was given
for them to life by what they believed. But I could not accept the faith
of any of these men, because I saw that it did not explain the meaning
of life, but only obscured it. So I felt a return of the terrible
feeling of despair.

Being unable to believe in the sincerity of men who did not live
consistently with the doctrines they professed, and feeling that they
were self-deceived, and, like myself, were satisfied with the lusts of
the flesh, I began to draw near to the believers amongst the poor,
simple, and ignorant, the pilgrims, monks, and peasants. I found that
though their faith was mingled with much superstition, yet with them the
whole life was a confirmation of the meaning of life which their faith
gave them.

The more I contemplated the lives of these simple folk, the more deeply
was I convinced of the reality of their faith, which I perceived to be a
necessity for them, for it alone gave life a meaning and made it worth
living. This was in direct opposition to what I saw in my own circle,
where I marked the possibility of living without faith, for not one in a
thousand professed to be a believer, while amongst the poorer classes
not one in thousands was an unbeliever. The contradiction was extreme.
In my class a tranquil death, without terror or despair, is rare; in
that lower class, an uneasy death is a rare exception. I found that
countless numbers in that lower mass of humanity had so understood the
meaning of life that they were able both to live bearing contentedly the
burdens of life, and to die peacefully.

The more I learned of these men of faith the more I liked them, and the
easier I felt it so to live. For two years I lived in their fashion.
Then the life of my own wealthy and cultured class became repellent to
me, for it had lost all meaning whatever. It seemed like empty child's
play, while the life of the working classes appeared to me in its true
significance.

Now I began to apprehend where I