beautiful woman, whom Mamma used
to call Dunitchka. But I had suspected nothing until Papa actually
announced to us that he was going to marry her. The wedding was to take
place in a fortnight. I and Volodya returned to Moscow at the beginning
of September, and on the following day I went to the university for my
first lecture.

It was a magnificent, sunny day, and as I entered the auditorium I felt
lost in the throng of gay youths flitting about through the doors and
among the corridors. Belonging to no particular group I felt isolated,
and then even angry, and I remember in my heart that this first day was
a dismal occasion for me. I looked at the professor with an ironical
feeling, for he commenced his lecture with an introduction which, to my
mind, was without sense. I decided at this first lecture that there was
no need to write down everything that each professor said, and to this
principle I adhered.

Though during my course I made many pleasant acquaintances, and so felt
less isolated than at first, I indulged in little real comradeship. But
during the winter my attention was much engrossed with affairs of the
heart, for I was in love three times. Yet I was overwhelmed with
shyness, fearing that my love should be discovered by its object. With
two of the young ladies, indeed, I had already been in love previously.
Of one of them I was now enamoured for the third time. But I knew that
Volodya also regarded her with passionate ecstasy. I felt that it would
certainly not be agreeable to him to learn that two brothers were in
love with the same young woman.

Therefore I said nothing to him of my love. But great satisfaction was
afforded to my mind by the fact that our love was so pure, and that each
would be ready, if needful, to make a sacrifice for the sake of the
other. But that self-abnegation did not, after all, extend to Volodya,
for when he heard that a certain diplomat was to marry the girl, he was
disposed to slap his face and to challenge him to a duel. It happened
that I had only spoken once to the young lady, and my love passed away
in a week, as I made no effort to perpetuate it.

During that winter I was quite disenchanted with the social pleasures to
which I had looked forward when I entered the university, in imitation
of my brother Volodya. He danced a great deal, and Papa also went with
his young wife to balls. But at the first one which I attended I was so
shy that I declined the invitation of