test degree. I did not think of it again all
that evening; all my thoughts were centred on something else--"

"Not think of it again? Of course you didn't!" cried the prince. "And I
dare swear that you came straight away down here to Pavlofsk to listen
to the music and dog her about in the crowd, and stare at her, just as
you did today. There's nothing surprising in that! If you hadn't been in
that condition of mind that you could think of nothing but one subject,
you would, probably, never have raised your knife against me. I had a
presentiment of what you would do, that day, ever since I saw you first
in the morning. Do you know yourself what you looked like? I knew
you would try to murder me even at the very moment when we exchanged
crosses. What did you take me to your mother for? Did you think to stay
your hand by doing so? Perhaps you did not put your thoughts into words,
but you and I were thinking the same thing, or feeling the same thing
looming over us, at the same moment. What should you think of me now if
you had not raised your knife to me--the knife which God averted from my
throat? I would have been guilty of suspecting you all the same--and you
would have intended the murder all the same; therefore we should have
been mutually guilty in any case. Come, don't frown; you needn't laugh
at me, either. You say you haven't 'repented.' Repented! You probably
couldn't, if you were to try; you dislike me too much for that. Why,
if I were an angel of light, and as innocent before you as a babe, you
would still loathe me if you believed that SHE loved me, instead of
loving yourself. That's jealousy--that is the real jealousy.

"But do you know what I have been thinking out during this last week,
Parfen? I'll tell you. What if she loves you now better than anyone? And
what if she torments you BECAUSE she loves you, and in proportion to her
love for you, so she torments you the more? She won't tell you this, of
course; you must have eyes to see. Why do you suppose she consents to
marry you? She must have a reason, and that reason she will tell you
some day. Some women desire the kind of love you give her, and she is
probably one of these. Your love and your wild nature impress her. Do
you know that a woman is capable of driving a man crazy almost, with
her cruelties and mockeries, and feels not one single pang of regret,
because she looks at him and says to herself, 'There! I'll torment this
man nearly into his grave