d far more likely, to believe that my death
is needed--the death of an insignificant atom--in order to fulfil the
general harmony of the universe--in order to make even some plus or
minus in the sum of existence. Just as every day the death of numbers of
beings is necessary because without their annihilation the rest cannot
live on--(although we must admit that the idea is not a particularly
grand one in itself!)

"However--admit the fact! Admit that without such perpetual devouring of
one another the world cannot continue to exist, or could never have been
organized--I am ever ready to confess that I cannot understand why this
is so--but I'll tell you what I DO know, for certain. If I have once
been given to understand and realize that I AM--what does it matter
to me that the world is organized on a system full of errors and that
otherwise it cannot be organized at all? Who will or can judge me after
this? Say what you like--the thing is impossible and unjust!

"And meanwhile I have never been able, in spite of my great desire to
do so, to persuade myself that there is no future existence, and no
Providence.

"The fact of the matter is that all this DOES exist, but that we know
absolutely nothing about the future life and its laws!

"But it is so difficult, and even impossible to understand, that surely
I am not to be blamed because I could not fathom the incomprehensible?

"Of course I know they say that one must be obedient, and of course,
too, the prince is one of those who say so: that one must be obedient
without questions, out of pure goodness of heart, and that for my worthy
conduct in this matter I shall meet with reward in another world. We
degrade God when we attribute our own ideas to Him, out of annoyance
that we cannot fathom His ways.

"Again, I repeat, I cannot be blamed because I am unable to understand
that which it is not given to mankind to fathom. Why am I to be judged
because I could not comprehend the Will and Laws of Providence? No, we
had better drop religion.

"And enough of this. By the time I have got so far in the reading of
my document the sun will be up and the huge force of his rays will be
acting upon the living world. So be it. I shall die gazing straight at
the great Fountain of life and power; I do not want this life!

"If I had had the power to prevent my own birth I should certainly never
have consented to accept existence under such ridiculous conditions.
However, I have t