ve seen Himself
after the Crucifixion, how could He have consented to mount the Cross
and to die as He did? This thought also comes into the mind of the man
who gazes at this picture. I thought of all this by snatches probably
between my attacks of delirium--for an hour and a half or so before
Colia's departure.

"Can there be an appearance of that which has no form? And yet it seemed
to me, at certain moments, that I beheld in some strange and impossible
form, that dark, dumb, irresistibly powerful, eternal force.

"I thought someone led me by the hand and showed me, by the light of
a candle, a huge, loathsome insect, which he assured me was that very
force, that very almighty, dumb, irresistible Power, and laughed at
the indignation with which I received this information. In my room they
always light the little lamp before my icon for the night; it gives a
feeble flicker of light, but it is strong enough to see by dimly, and
if you sit just under it you can even read by it. I think it was about
twelve or a little past that night. I had not slept a wink, and was
lying with my eyes wide open, when suddenly the door opened, and in came
Rogojin.

"He entered, and shut the door behind him. Then he silently gazed at me
and went quickly to the corner of the room where the lamp was burning
and sat down underneath it.

"I was much surprised, and looked at him expectantly.

"Rogojin only leaned his elbow on the table and silently stared at me.
So passed two or three minutes, and I recollect that his silence hurt
and offended me very much. Why did he not speak?

"That his arrival at this time of night struck me as more or less
strange may possibly be the case; but I remember I was by no means
amazed at it. On the contrary, though I had not actually told him my
thought in the morning, yet I know he understood it; and this thought
was of such a character that it would not be anything very remarkable,
if one were to come for further talk about it at any hour of night,
however late.

"I thought he must have come for this purpose.

"In the morning we had parted not the best of friends; I remember he
looked at me with disagreeable sarcasm once or twice; and this same look
I observed in his eyes now--which was the cause of the annoyance I felt.

"I did not for a moment suspect that I was delirious and that this
Rogojin was but the result of fever and excitement. I had not the
slightest idea of such a theory at first.

"Mea