ntities in the House, they will probably be 'named' several times in
the future. But Parliament is a refrigerator for red-hot rhetoric, and
such members will, in time, find respectability and aspirants, and grow
dull."

I wish I had followed the example of Mr. John Morley, who announced a
couple of months before the election that he had written down his
General Election tip and placed it in a sealed envelope; but so far as I
have heard, he never risked his reputation for prophecy--he refrained
from publishing the secret. That grave and weighty right hon. gentleman
scored as the humorist, and I failed as a prophet in my second attempt.

[Illustration: REDUCTION OF ONE OF MY PARLIAMENTARY PAGES IN _PUNCH_.]

CHAPTER VII.

"PUNCH"

Two _Punch_ Editors--_Punch's_ Hump--My First _Punch_ Dinner--Charles
Keene--"Robert"--W. H. Bradbury--du Maurier--"Kiki"--A Trip to the
Place of his Birth--He Hates Me--A Practical Joke--du Maurier's Strange
Model--No Sportsman--Tea--Appollinaris--My First Contribution--My
Record--Parliament--Press Gallery Official--I Feel Small--The "Black
Beetle"--Professor Rogers--Sergeant-at-Arms' Room--Styles of
Work--Privileges--Dr. Percy--I Sit in the Table--The Villain of Art--The
New Cabinet--Criticism--_Punch's_ Historical Cartoons--Darwen
MacNeill--Scenes in the Lobby--A Technical Assault--John Burns's
"Invention"--John Burns's Promise--John Burns's Insult--The Lay of Swift
MacNeill--The Truth--Sir Frank Lockwood--"Grand Cross"--Lockwood's
Little Sketch--Lockwood's Little Joke in the House--Lockwood's Little
Joke at Dinner--Lewis Carroll and _Punch_--Gladstone's Head--Sir
William's Portrait--Ciphers--Reversion--_Punch_ at Play--Three _Punch_
Men in a Boat--Squaring up--Two Pins Club--Its One Joke--Its One
Horse--Its Mystery--Artistic Duties--Lord Russell--Furious
Riding--Before the Beak--Burnand and I in the Saddle--Caricaturing
Pictures for _Punch_--Art under Glass--Arthur Cecil--My Other Eye--The
Ridicule that Kills--Red Tape--_Punch_ in Prison--I make a Mess of
it--Waterproof--"I used your Soap two years ago"--Charles Keene--Charles
Barber--_Punch's_ Advice--_Punch's_ Wives.

[Illustration: T]

The first representative of Mr. Punch with whom I came into contact was
the late Tom Taylor, at that period the tenant of the editorial chair.
To this meeting I have referred on a previous page,