as much as to say, "Just like the Old
Parliamentary Hand."

"What are you?" he growled.

"_Punch._"

"Ticket?"

Same reply and promise.

Appeased, he continued:

"Words, words, words--no 'ed no tail. Oh, of course you remember the
introduction of white plaster--3rd of June, 1840--why didn't you say
half-past two o'clock? More convincing. No doubt you got into some
scrape and 'ad to use it. Won't you catch it from the old woman in the
Gallery when you get home if you say so! Can't 'ear yer, thank goodness.
Scribblers will take down any rot you talk. They want _me_, I suppose.
Blowed if the country wants you."

Again he rolls out of his seat, collects the reporters' copy, and gives
it to the attendants.

"Who are you? Ah, _Punch_. Don't forget yer ticket."

Again he dozes.

"'Icks Beach up! 'Ave all the Board of Trade chaps up, capping each
other. Funny thing--Board of Trade chap says anything, all the Board of
Traders must have a word in. Same with Local Government Board--new man
says anything, old 'uns put in a word for theirselves, just to keep the
place warm for them to return. Board!--I'm bored--joke there for Lucy.
Thought the Irish lot couldn't keep quiet much longer. Tanner up,--ought
to know more about plaster than politics. Rum fellers, these doctors in
the House; leave their patients at 'ome, and come here to try
ours--'nother good joke for Lucy--make his 'air stand on end. Tanner
sticking to the plaster--now then, young Tories, jeer 'im down. The
Doctor's goin' it. Order! order! That's right, Brand, turn 'im
out,--wouldn't stand 'im in any place else. City Fowler's
bellowing,--scene a-brewing,--good copy for these quill-drivers."

Dr. Tanner had recited some harrowing tale about black plaster being
used in his native town by a hospital surgeon on the scratched face of
some old woman who had joined "the boys" in a street fight, although she
protested that pink suited her complexion.

"It was a base Saxon trick!" roared the infuriated Member for Cork
County. "On a par with the mane, dirty doings of puppets and spalpeens
like the Mimbers opposite."

"Order! order!" cried the Speaker. "The hon. Member must withdraw that
expression."

"I'll not withdraw anything except by adding that they're all liars on
the Tory benches."

"The hon. Member must withdraw."

The Doctor "exits" with a flourish, glares at the Conservative benches
below the gangway, and hisses at them:

"Better order a ton of