flers, snivelling, snorting, shirking, snuffling, vain-glorious
wallowers in misery...." It is thought likely that the _Berliner Tageblatt_
is vexed with us.

***

Count PLUNKETT, although elected to the House of Commons, will not attend.
It is cruel, but the COUNT is convinced that the punishment is no more
severe than the House deserves.

***

A North of England Tribunal has just given a plumber sufficient extension
to carry out a large repair job he had in hand. This has caused some
consternation among those who imagined that the War would end this year.

***

Lord DEVONPORT'S weekly bread allowance is regarded as extravagant by a
lady correspondent, who writes, "In my own household we hardly eat any
bread at all. We practically live on toast."

***

An informative contemporary explains that the Chinese eggs now arriving are
nearly all brown and resemble those laid in this country by the Cochin
China fowl. This, however, is not the only graceful concession to British
prejudice, for the eggs, we notice, are of that oval design which is so
popular in these islands.

***

[Illustration: PRO PATRIA.]

***

An _Evening News_ correspondent states that at one restaurant last week a
man consumed "a large portion of beef, baked potatoes, brussels-sprouts,
two big platefuls of bread, apple tart, a portion of cheese, a couple of
pats of butter and a bottle of wine." We understand that he would also have
ordered the last item on the menu but for the fact that the band was
playing it.

***

A Carmelite sleuth at a City restaurant reports that one "Food Hog" had for
luncheon "half-a-dozen oysters, three slices of roast beef with Yorkshire
pudding, two vegetables and a roll." The after-luncheon roll is of course
the busy City man's substitute for the leisured club-man's after-luncheon
nap.

***

There is plenty of coal in London, the dealers announce, for those who are
willing to fetch it themselves. Purchasers of quantities of one ton or over
should also bring their own paper and string.

***

One of the rarest of British birds, the great bittern, is reported to have
been seen in the Eastern counties during the recent cold spell. In answer
to a telephonic inquiry on the matter Mr. POCOCK, of the Zoological
Gardens, was heard to murmur, "Once bittern, twice shy."

***

A stoker, prosecuted at a London Police Court for carrying smoking