our way 'arf so
much.

_Father._ It's always the way with you--never satisfied, _you_ ain't!
Well, pass the boy across--I'm for a quiet life, I am. (_Changing
seats._) Will _this_ do for you?

[_He settles down immediately behind a very large, and furry,
and feathery hat, which he dodges for some time, with the
result of obtaining an occasional glimpse of a pair of legs on
the stage._

_Father_ (_suddenly_). D---- the 'at!

_Mother._ You can't wonder at the _boy_ not seeing! P'raps the lady
wouldn't might taking it off, if you asked her?

_Father._ Ah! (_He touches_ The Owner of the Hat _on the shoulder._)
Excuse me, Mum, but might I take the liberty of asking you to kindly
remove your 'at? [The Owner of the Hat _deigns no reply._

_Father_ (_more insistently_). _Would_ you 'ave any objection to
oblige me by taking off your 'at, Mum? (_Same result._) I don't know
if you _'eard_ me, Mum, but I've asked you twice, civil enough, to
take that 'at of yours off. I'm a playin' 'Ide and Seek be'ind it 'ere!

[_No answer._

_The Mother._ People didn't ought to be allowed in the Pit with sech
'ats! Callin' 'erself a lady--and settin' there in a great 'at and
feathers like a 'Ighlander's, and never answering no more nor a
stuffed himage!

_Father_ (_to the Husband of The Owner of the Hat_). Will you tell
your good lady to take her 'at off, Sir, please?

_The Owner of the Hat_ (_to her Husband_). Don't you do nothing of the
sort, SAM, or you'll _'ear_ of it!

_The Mother._ Some people are perlite, I must say. Parties might
_beyave_ as ladies when they come in the Pit! It's a pity her 'usband
can't teach her better manners!

_The Father._ _'Im_ teach her! 'E knows better. 'E's got a Tartar
there, _'e_ 'as!

_The Owner of the Hat._ SAM, are you going to set by and hear me
insulted like this?

_Her Husband_ (_turning round tremulously_). I--I'll trouble you
to drop making these personal allusions to my wife's 'at, Sir. It's
puffickly impossible to listen to what's going on on the stage, with
all these remarks be'ind!

_The Father._ Not more nor it is to _see_ what's going on on the stage
with that 'at in front! I paid 'arf-a-crown to see the Pantermime, I
did; not to 'ave a view of your wife's 'at!... 'Ere, MARIA, blowed if
I can stand this 'ere game any longer. JIMMY must change places again,
and if he can't see, he must stand up on the seat, that's all!

[_JIMMY is transferred to his or