at the same instant. The
ladies must all burst into a simultaneous cry of astonishment, as if
with one throat. The neglect of these directions may ruin the whole
effect.

THE INSPECTOR-GENERAL

ACT I

A Room in the Governor's House.

SCENE I

Anton Antonovich, the Governor, Artemy Filippovich, the Superintendent
of Charities, Luka Lukich, the Inspector of Schools, Ammos Fiodorovich,
the Judge, Stepan Ilyich, Christian Ivanovich, the Doctor, and two
Police Sergeants.

GOVERNOR. I have called you together, gentlemen, to tell you an
unpleasant piece of news. An Inspector-General is coming.

AMMOS FIOD. What, an Inspector-General?

ARTEMY FIL. What, an Inspector-General?

GOVERNOR. Yes, an Inspector from St. Petersburg, incognito. And with
secret instructions, too.

AMMOS. A pretty how-do-you-do!

ARTEMY. As if we hadn't enough trouble without an Inspector!

LUKA LUKICH. Good Lord! With secret instructions!

GOVERNOR. I had a sort of presentiment of it. Last night I kept dreaming
of two rats--regular monsters! Upon my word, I never saw the likes of
them--black and supernaturally big. They came in, sniffed, and then went
away.--Here's a letter I'll read to you--from Andrey Ivanovich. You
know him, Artemy Filippovich. Listen to what he writes: "My dear
friend, godfather and benefactor--[He mumbles, glancing rapidly down the
page.]--and to let you know"--Ah, that's it--"I hasten to let you know,
among other things, that an official has arrived here with instructions
to inspect the whole government, and your district especially. [Raises
his finger significantly.] I have learned of his being here from highly
trustworthy sources, though he pretends to be a private person. So, as
you have your little peccadilloes, you know, like everybody else--you
are a sensible man, and you don't let the good things that come your
way slip by--" [Stopping] H'm, that's his junk--"I advise you to take
precautions, as he may arrive any hour, if he hasn't already, and is not
staying somewhere incognito.--Yesterday--" The rest are family matters.
"Sister Anna Krillovna is here visiting us with her husband. Ivan
Krillovich has grown very fat and is always playing the fiddle"--et
cetera, et cetera. So there you have the situation we are confronted
with, gentlemen.

AMMOS. An extraordinary situation, most extraordinary! Something behind
it, I am sure.

LUKA. But why, Anton Antonovich? What for? Why should we hav